Boundaries for an ex-boyfriend? Hanging out, messaging, gifts, etc?

I'll start off with some background.

I broke up with my ex about 7 months ago. It was a fairly mutual break, and we said the usual "let's still be friends."

We both moved on and shortly after, my ex got a girlfriend and then I got together with my current boyfriend. At that time we hardly talked. Then a few months later my ex broke up with his girlfriend and started talking to me more often, and finally told me he still had feelings for me and regretted ever breaking up. I told him I was dating someone else now, and was very happy. He said he hoped we could at least remain friends, and I said that was fine. I agreed because I really don't have any romantic feelings for him, and I am madly in love with my bf.

Now onto our current situation: My ex messages me daily, and multiple times throughout the day. He calls me, and he also makes plans for us to hangout next time he's in the city. He constantly compliments and flirts with me. And now the final straw, he purchased an expensive leather jacket for me (which he plans to give next time he's in town, but I plan to reject).

How much of this behavior should I allow? Should I bring it up with my bf? I have not yet because I didn't want to make it a big deal out of it. I wish I could find a happy medium where I could still be friends with my ex, but he's really overdoing it.

I'm confused and my head hurts when I think about. If you made it through my rambling I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and comments on my situation! Thank you~ <3


Most Helpful Guy

  • If you can remain friends with your exes without it getting complicated then I usually condone it. But in your situation, it would probably be better for everyone if you just cut ties with him. It looks as though he's not trying to move on anymore. He's just waiting to see what you do. I know he still means something to you as you guys have some good memories together, but for his sake, you should stop all communication for now. He obviously is still acting as if your dating because it's what he knows. After breaking up with his girlfriend, he probably felt lost and needed a place to put all of his effort and he went back to you, because you're familiar. He most likely doesn't see anything wrong with what he's doing because he's so used to it and thinks that he just being a nice guy and that you might somehow grow feelings for him again if he continues to act this way. It might sound hard, but it's something both of you need in my opinion. Let him down easy. He'll probably fight and argue and try to refuse to let you go, hopefully he'll man up and realize he's not your boyfriend and can't act this way anymore and let you go without a fight. You have a new great guy and don't need to babysit your ex too.


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What Guys Said 3

  • It's pretty obvious he is trying to get back with you, somewhat trying to make it up to you for whatever reasons you called off the relationship...may be he hasn't moved on the way you have...frankly I haven't been in any relationship.. ;)...but if I were to stay in touch with my ex then it would be limited to calls and messages WHICH would be like once in a while say once in 2 months or on certain days like birthday or some occasion.

    I have seen friends who talk about their present problems with their ex too! and even the ex helps them out, simply/maybe because they understand each other well(the fact that they were together once)..but that is where they limit it...your ex buying you an expensive gift, messaging you multiple times in a day, or calling you regularly is an evidence of the feelings which still exist in his heart...or else you can infer that he suffers from an OCD :-) ...and then yes, you can talk it out with your present BF.. :)

  • Yes, I agree that he should just spend his energy to meet other girls instead. You are good lady at heart.

    Reject him outright. If you don't directly confront him, it might lead to further complication.
    If this continue, it might have bad implications towards your current BF.
    Be firm with your feelings. "No" is no. All guys understand that.

  • If I were the current boyfriend and I knew you had an ongoing close "friendship" with your ex I would start looking for someone else right away.


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