How to handle a difficult break up?

About 4 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend because he is in the military and lived in Las Vegas and going to live there for 4 years. I loved him will all my heart, but I didn't want a long distance relationship and This what I thought a great guy asked me out on a date so that gave me another reason to break up with him. when I did he was very upset and wanted to kill himself. but to go back I cheated on him 4 times and he took me back. I wish that I never cheated on him. I was a real bitch for doing that, but at that time I was going through a divorce and I was just confused. Anways that new guy and I got together and my ex found out and he was like WTF and he would blow up my cell telling me that he wants me back, but I thought that I was over it. so one day I was like want him back then We talked and I gave him a try, but I broke up with him a day after, during this time the new guy didn't know what was going one. so one day my ex came over and we had sex and I wanted him back. BUT he turned into a JERK and used me for sex. he stopped calling me because he said that I;m a bitch for cheating. I know it was extremely wrong. So the new guy was a jerk and I left him and soon realized that I only wanted to be with my ex, but when I showed up at his door he just slamed it in my face. so I spent a week trying to get him back. I went on my hands and knees expressing how I feel, I put up signs all over his neighborhood, and I gave him flowers. I wrote him a letter pouring my heart out.....BUT he told me that I hurt him so much that we could never be. My heart just broke in half and still to this day I want him. oh yeah another thing. I was pregnant with my ex's child last year in jan and I lost the baby this whole time he was in boot camp so we really couldnt talk. It was very hard for me to lose my baby. Our baby was supposed to be born on NOV. 12 AND THATS my ex birthday. Icalled him and told him that I need him he told me that I'm not his problem anymore and I was hurt. He said that its his 21st birthday and wants to have fun. and I told him I didn't do anything for my 21st birthday because I was pregnant. I was heartbroken. But I want him back, his ex calls me and e-mails me and she talks shit about me to other people and I want her to f***ing stop because I never said one bad thing to her..anyways I want him back Do you think that we could EVER be together one day? I mean I was his first love How could he just let it walk away...?? HELP???
How to handle a difficult break up?
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