Is he seriously in love?

I have been seeing a guy for the past month and he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. During the getting to know each other aspect of the relationship he was very distant and put no effort so I broke it off. A week later he came back saying how he had strong feelings for me but he doubted how I felt because he was never sure of why I wanted to be with him. He tested me in the past by treating me badly and he realized I did want to be with him and I did care for him. He's emotionally damaged because he had his heart broken by an ex who he was with for 5 years and the girl after her used him for sex and left. He's a sweet, nice guy but very distant even now. He says he loves me because he trusts me and knows I won't hurt him or cheat on him (ex did). I just don't understand how he can fall in love so easily. He calls, text and spends time with me but not enough as he's always with his friends. But we have the same group of friends so do end up hanging out together. Plus his friends don't know that we are together because he doesn't want them getting involved in our relationship. Also, they are critical of him and think I'm too good for him. If I show him interest, no one believes it instead they tease him saying he likes me and that it will never happen. Anyways, I think what throws me off is that we don't have very meaningful conversations about each other. Neither of us likes to talk about our personal life since I'm emotionally closed and at times I feel whenever we meet in person we just always end up making out instead of having any real conversation. I'm not sure if he's being sincere as I don't want to get hurt either. What do you guys think?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sometimes that happens, but there is a fine line between infatuation/lust and love. He's on guard because he's had his heartbroken and men handle things differently then women about that. Men recover from those much slower and are much more guarded no matter how "tough" they seem. Plus now he's got another obstacle with being told you're too good for him. Relationships are emotional investments for men and there is no way he's going to invest time, energy and feelings into something he thinks he'll fail at. I'd have a conversation with him.

    • You described him fairly well as that is how I see him and I've also told him that to which he agrees. The only thing I don't understand is how he can say he loves me. But I have to be honest I have trust and commitment issues with people so it could be my insecurity. He's put effort since he asked me to be his girlfriend and even prior to that question he asked me to give him reasons why I liked him and if I seriously want to be with him because that is why he would put in the effort. Otherwise no.

What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • Love is a strong word and you two have only been together officially for a month. That's really not a long time on a relationship scale. So no, at this point I don't think he's seriously in love yet. But he could be in time. Just like in time you would love him as well. These things don't happen quickly. Trust also takes a long time to form. He's not there yet it appears and it's up to you to decide whether it's worth spending your time with someone who wants to test you constantly and use his ex as a excuse for his behavior. I wouldn't be able to handle that personally. I don't like people using their ex's as a excuse to treat their current partner differently. Him also not wanting to admit he's in a relationship or wants to share it is also a result of previous relationships too. So once again, because of something in the past he's treating you differently. I don't think that's fair. As for meaningfulness conversations, this is something you have to discuss with him because if he doesn't have a desire to do it than no amount of effort from your side will change it.

    • Thank you for the advice. Actually just to add he never compares me to his ex. I've known him during the time he was dating his ex and the girl afterward. From the moment I met him, I liked his personality. We just started hanging out recently so I know a lot about him from the past and well he does as well. We know each other well when it comes to character and personality because we're both analytical and very alike.

    • I know he doesn't compare you two. But he clearly treats you differently cause he's "emotionally damaged".

    • Your right I agree to that and prior to us getting together I mentioned that to him. And his answer was that regardless of the heartbreak each person you get into a relationship with touches you differently so its not fair to compare the two. Also, she was his first girlfriend and for that reason it hurt so much more. I should also add that he broke up with her almost 2 years ago. I've asked him why he loves me and he says its cause of how I make him feel and that its different than before.

  • Um he sounds like bad news girl. He has way too many issues and sounds way too insecure to be in a healthy relationship. Him telling you he loves you was just his way of getting you to not leave him. I've dated guys like this before and they are nothin but trouble. RUN LIKE THE WIND:)