Control to deal with him?

My boyfriend and have been living together for not quite a year yet. He seems to start to be a bit controlling. For example...

the other night I got home 10 minutes early he says "why are you home so early, you normally are home at 6. Did you leave work early or didn't go to work?" I say "I went by the clocks at work that is why I am home." He just let it go.

Our cable TV is in his name. I asked him to please order a certain channel for me and the kids because I love this channel. I would pay the increase each month. He ignored me for a few minutes and then questions why I need it, then says "if you want it then order it." I told him I cannot it is in his name, but if he wants to add me he can and then I will order it. He has yet to do it, been a week and I have politely reminded him twice.

He has no kids, I have 3. The other night one of my got up during the night and he was questioning them why they needed to get back up, etc. Earlier that nite, my boys were getting rowdy in THEIR bedroom and he comes downstairs to me and says "Those boys need to calm the f*** down." And just gives me this look. So I went upstairs and asked my kids to calm down, and they immediately did.

He got home from work this morning cause hew works 3rd shift and comes in the bedroom to talk. He left the room to get a drink and comes back. Says "I smell perfume in here. I didn't before now I do. Are you wearing it, did you get up out of bed? I am smelling it now and didn't before." I assured him I didn't have perfume on. He just started getting questioning about it.

Controlling behavior?


Most Helpful Guy

  • he doesn't sound controlling he just sounds as one poster said ill equipped to handle the life you lead. He sounds like he is selfish and immature for the level of relationship you and your children problem need. I don't hear controlling behavior I just hear immature behavior based on your descriptions.

    I think you probably have to sit down and think to yourself is this guy really the right person to be my partner and the father of my children. Is he prepared? will he be able to learn and adjust? Because what you're describing sounds like a guy who just isn't ready to handle the responsibilities, maturity, and level headedness a relationship would require when it involves a woman and her children.

    • I have to rebute here. He was married for 10 years to a woman who had two kids, and he was the sole provider, so he knew what he was getting into. Nothing new to him.

    • why isn't he with that previous person? I'm not saying he didn't know what he was getting into, just that he doesn't know how to handle the situation. Honestly who behaves the way he does if they are mature and ready to handle the situation? We can argue whether or not he is "ready" but the fact is he clearly displays immature and irresponsible behavior. Take it for what it is

    • He claims she cheated on him with someone at work. So you know how that goes...will never know the whole truth to the story.

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What Guys Said 3

  • It sounds like he's trying to adjust to a new family and home. Living with the same family for ten years and then moving in with a brand new one takes time to adjust to. When he asks you questions that don't seem to be rational, just use your sense of humor when you respond, but don't make fun of him.

  • Understand that control freaks are people who are terrified of failure. They can not trust that anyone will do a better job than they will. It is a personality disorder stemming from childhood that can cause misery in the work place and at home. Most "control freaks" are unhappy and insecure people who don't understand how their words and actions can affect people

    Start to build your own self esteem. It has most likely taken a hit. Be kind to yourself. If you are under the thumb of a control freak, they might have convinced you that you are worthless to stop you from moving on and leaving them. Don't believe them for one minute. Control freaks like to make people feel insecure about themselves. Don't fall for their tricks. Start to distance yourself slowly.

  • He's either controlling or just asks too many pointless/stupid questions. Sounds like a co worker of mine. He's definitely a control freak though cause they generally do both.


What Girls Said 2

  • This does sound good. He seems selfish and ill equipped to have an instant family. He maybe controlling but that not your biggest problem. The real issue is his ability to deal will becoming a father figure for the boys. Is he a good role model? You must be way more selective about who you bring into the mix.

    • Does not*

    • That isn't the case really. He is very good to the kids and his prior marriage he was married to someone who had 2 kids.

    • Well, only you can tell for sure. But from what little you said I and most other users got the same impression. Something worth investigating.

      Why/ how did his last relationship end?

  • i can't tell but to me he sounds pretty controlling and the signs start out slowly, I would watch out


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