Is cutting off all ties with my ex too extreme?

We rarely talk anymore. I would like to continue being in her life, but I think I only want that for the small chance I could get back with her.

A little back story, after our brief relationship, she told me she was pregnant. She was sure it was her ex's, who she left me for. But never got tested, I kept contact because I like her and I never thought the baby was his, I never asked for a test, I didn't feel that was my place and she seemed happy saying it was her ex's. But I wanted the baby to be mine. And I told her she had my support. Time past and we talked less and less, at one point she stopped returning my texts, turns out she got a new phone number and didn't tell me. As often happens things cycled back around and she tried talking to me again, so I got her new number and then she slowly stopped talking to me again.

A few days ago I saw her post to Facebook that her ex (who left her for another girl and had a baby by her during this) was saying her baby wasn't hers. I sent a message on Facebook (I deleted her number a while back) saying I was here for her, and she sent back a "thank you" A few days later she posted to Facebook that she got a test and the baby is her ex's and I feel hurt, she tells Facebook this but not me, and now that I know the baby is her ex's I just want to tell her what a horrible person she is, and cut off all ties, is this right? what should I be feeling? what should I do? if anything.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you have every right to be pissed off and to not want to speak to her. You can tell her how you feel but really I think you should just leave her and cut off all ties, she's not adding any positivity to your life so why let her hurt you anymore? The only reason I think you should keep contact is if you believe she didn't actually get the child tested and he/she might be yours. If you want to find out, I don't think you should leave it or you may regret it later. If the kid is yours, you'd want to be there for them.

    Otherwise, you need to move on from her and be happy because life is too short to let others pull you down and ruin what chance of happiness you have. Good luck.

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What Girls Said 7

  • I don't think so. I have the mindset that an ex is an ex for a reason. How could you get over someone entirely if they are always in your life? Eventually someone will want more and either you will or you won't. Perhaps becoming friends once the dust has settled a little. Until then, you need closure and to move on.

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    • This times 100. And people get so much backlash for it because there is the misconception that you "omg must be friends right away to be enlightened/mature/non-spiteful" after a breakup, even if you're in pain or the other person was mean/hurtful/unhealthy. Good for you for telling it like it is. :)

    • Thank you! I've tried being friends and it just gets too messy. I rather not find out who is dating who and what not. Plus I would prefer if I am dating someone that he is not still in connection with his ex.

  • Totally can understand how you how you feeling, just cut her out of your life. I don't get why people share these private secrets on fb...really don't get it

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  • Nah its never too extreme, but maybe ex couples have a tough time severing all contact. But at some point maybe its better to, its your choice.

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  • depends on the situation...if you guys fought a lot I would cut her, if things eneded ok/ good then keep her as a friend

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  • You are under no obligation to contact her anymore. Be free and happy, away from the drama. :)

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  • thats why I don't want sex before marriage :( I think you need to move on don't tell her anything

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  • Sounds like 's no benefit to life so its best to cut her out..

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What Guys Said 2

  • First off, you might be mad that she didn't tell you and it feels like for you it wasn't right, but think with your mind for a second. She left you for her ex and got a pregnant with a guy who's no longer there for her. What she did wasn't right, but you shouldn't feel like she owes you anything.

    Plus it's like life helped you dodged a bullet. You could've ended up with this girl long-term and you didn't. That's a blessing. Her misjudgments have landed you single, but it's much better to be single than be with a woman who doesn't see the value you have. Not to be mean but to be brutally honest, putting your heart into someone who didn't reciprocate those same values you showed was kind of your doing. Was it wrong? Maybe.

    This should be a lesson for you as for the kind of woman you should not be with. If you invest more time on this woman, you'll dig yourself a deeper hole emotionally. There's plenty of good women out there who you might strike up a conversation and date, and who'll be a better match for you than wasting time with a woman who doesn't understand those good values of yours.

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  • my belief is to never stay in touch with an ex. what is the point? there isn't one. it just adds a lot of unnecessary drama into your life which you could do without. besides there are plenty of other chicks in the world to get to know so why bother about the ex.

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