I am afraid to date again. please help me.

i broke up with my ex almost a year ago, and it was a very traumatic experience. I was in love with him, but we were doing long distance that I felt started to fall apart because he became more preoccupied with gaming, and I just didn't feel secure with it. after a few fights, he said that he still wanted to be with me, but that he was really busy and he wanted me to be understanding of that, and to wait until I got back home to start things back up. I said fine, but I'm not staying around to be stood up again. he tells me he goes pro for gaming and I tell him I'm happy for him, and then a week and a half goes by, no contact. I text him saying we haven't spoken in a while and asked if he was alright, and he said he was fine and working on exams and with his team. I tell him when I'm going to be home and he says he's working, and by that time, I'm done with things because it seemed like it just went downhill anyway. he says happy anniversary to me when I drive 2 hours to come home, and I ask if we could talk. he asks if something wrong, and I asked him back, and he said he was fine. the next day, I dumped him because I assumed it was over and I was sick of trying to put everything back together. he said he was so busy and wasn't sleeping and I said you didn't even try to tell me or say anything, so he said fine if that's what makes you happy then OK. and we were done. it crushed me. because he unfriended me from everything and avoided me at all costs the whole summer I was in town, I felt as if I had done something wrong to him, and tried to rectify the situation, but he just pushed further away and ignored me as if I didn't exist. I really loved him and would have done anything for him, I just hated that it ended that way and he didn't even seem to care.

after a couple of months, I tried seeing other guys, and started sleeping around some just to feel wanted again, but I always felt bad for doing so and empty because I wanted someone to LOVE, and not to have sex with. the guys I tried potentially dating seem to like me back, but either things fizzle out or they go for another girl. there are a few guys I wouldn't mind dating, but the times I have tried, the guys are wonderful and give me what I need and MORE than what my ex could've, but I just run away each time because that experience just haunts me. like, I wish it was my ex, almost. even if they're way better. everything always ties back into my ex- I won't do long distance because of him, I won't date gamers, I don't go all out for a guy because it blew up in my face last time, I take things super slow and be aloof so I won't get hurt...

what gives? I'd really would like some advice on this.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You shoudn't have broken up with him in the first place. The reason why he ignored you was probably because he felt the same way about you as you did him. He probably really was busy and you should have just waited things out and tell him that things were really stressful on you because of the long distance and you should have asked him to try a little harder to spend time with you and not break up with him.

    Yes, you still do love your ex but your still so hung up over him that it affects your other dating possibilities. You have what excess emotional baggage. Stop comparing. guys hate that and if someone genuinely takes care of you and likes you, what's there to be afraid of?!

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • well, rao, that's exactly how I feel. like I shouldn't have broken up with him. I've felt regret ever since things ended the way they did. and I've communicated that to him so many time, but like I said, he never heard me out on it and it still eats me up inside that he chose to be with someone else. I did try talking to him and accommodating him since he was busy and to try different things, but at times I did feel like I was pulling the weight on trying to fully optimize what options we had

    • Show All
    • He's with someone else now?

      Chances are he's on a rebound to try getting over you.

      Try talking to him again. Do it face to face if you can!

      i'm sure he'll come back. If he doesn't want to talk even then, its time to move on.

      I know its super hard to get over someone you love but if they don't feel the same way about you as you them, It's not worth beating yourself up over it.

      You've got to try getting your message across to him first though. Don't give up too easily

    • i gave him space because he did seemed off/irritated with me, but after a week it seemed over. as for the other guys, I'm just afraid it'll end up like it did with the only guy I've ever truly loved.

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What Guys Said 4

  • This man just wasn't prepared to put in the time to make a relationship work. As a result he made you feel unworthy of love, and it damaged your self esteem. You need to learn to love yourself all over again. Until you learn to love yourself, you won't be ready to date again.

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  • Sweetheart its okay. Its okay to be afraid for awhile. But don't be afraid for too long because then you just end up denying your own happiness.There's lots of good guys out there who will like you for you, care about you, and treat you right. Believe me. Many things in life are not easy and you just have to get knocked down a couple times and make an effort to get back up and pursue what you really want. But there always is a light atte end of the dark tunnel. Trust me. :)

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  • It is OK to be afraid.

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  • I got burned, and have been pretty afraid of dating, too. About a year now. So I don't. It doesn't kill me.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Girl I have been through the exact same thing. I was crushed. I cried and cried on my bffs sholder for about 2 weeks, then she was like "MOVE ON!" "YOU CAN DO BETTER!" lol every once in a while I would bring him back up and she would say "IF YOU ARE GONNA END UP TALKING ABOUT HIM AGAIN THEN I AM JUST GONNA GO HOME, MOVE ON!"

    my bff is great, she really helped me put things into perspective

    i did talk to other guys and still thought about my ex, I even went out on dates, f***ed other guys, and I still thought about him. 3 months after ending it with him I have decided that I do not even want to talk to guys anymore now because they just cause me stress. I just want to focus on my passions and hangout with my friends, I started working out too and I just do things that make me feel happy.

    my bff told me about this saying,

    "Some people are seasonal" it is from a poem.

    when ever thoughts of my ex come up I just remember this saying and then go about my day happily.

    i found a link to the full poem link please read it, it will make things seem much more clear.

    i do not feel 100% emotionaly ready to be in a relationship, but the way I think now is, I am super happy right now while I am single and I am not giving up my passions or things that make me happy for any guy. If a guy wants to be a part of my life then he better add to my happiness or else I will have to cut him off because ain't nobody got time for stress.

    Now I have been seeing a guy for a month, I told him upfront, the first day that I met him, that I have low expectations and that id rather focus on my work, if you want me to make time for you, then you are really gonna have to get my attention. and well he is still calling me everyday so I will just see how this goes but without getting my hopes up and getting distracted from my own happiness

    moving on does take time but read that poem, it might help you speed things up. .

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