Sex with an ex, possible to hold off on the emotions?

HIstory background, my ex and I dated for a little over 3 years. We broke up 2 years ago. He quickly got a rebound girlfriend, he cheated on her with me and I believe they are no longer dating, (for whatever reason) and I always knew they were dating (yes, I know very wrong of me, but back then I still loved him too). For the last 2 years, we are still having sex. At first I was distraught since he quickly got a new girlfriend, but I eventually got over it and am no longer indifferent about the whole situation (I as well encountered other relationships, but as it turns out I really don't want to commit to any one). We see each other every 2 weeks or so, and if we see each other it is to get each other to have sex. We don't talk about our past, nonetheless any future, we are just friends with benfits. I tried to convince myself that perhaps I am in denial, that maybe I am still very much "in love" with him, or that our whole relationship was a hoax, since "you can't be just friends with some one you were once 'in love' with, and ultimately, I started to believe that maybe this is preventing me from engaging in a new relationship. to my last point, I realized I don't want a relationship, I'm better of single at this point in my life since I've been busy with my own self (college work, internship, traveling, etc). how would you interpret this sort of arraignment? is it common for exe's to continue their sexual affair, without emotions, grudges, or hope? if so, does this have an expiration date? and would it be bitter or sweet? these are all rhetorical questions, but I really am looking for words of wisdom or stories in which I can relate to as well. and please no "sex with an ex is a terrible idea". I know this, but as far as right now, and I am almost certain that no one (particularly me) is going to get hurt... so I say why stop?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've herad many such stories, and it is very common that people who have divorced, for example, continue to have a relationship since often it's difficult for either of them to find someone else, and they are USED to each other..

    jThey are over all the adjustment phases in a relationship, that are so difficult in a new one...and finding a new one, especially when you are out of your college years, is so difficult!

    So yes, your story is far from uncommon. Eventually one of you will find someone they like, and then your break-up will be complete. It won't be a difficult break-up since, as in your case, the two people no longer have a lot of emotional commitment to each other, and both know that they are only staving off loneliness, until they, hopefully, find someone they'd like to really 'be' with.

    As you say, this is a situation without 'grudges' or false expectations. That's pretty hard to find in the real world! I can see why people want to stay where they are safe from those problems, at least! I thought it was weird when I first heard about such an arrangement, but by now I've heard so MANY similar stories, that I can see for many people, it's not a bad alternative.

    But there are of course down sides, such as the high probability of gettiting an STD, since one or both of you are probably regularly sleeping with other people..something that hopefully isn't happening with a 'real' relationship.


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What Guys Said 2

  • since your currently single get your act together first. you got hurt in the past, live and learn from it..focus on what type of person you want to end up with. sex is not just do it with someone you deeply care about and truly love..FWB is so overrated not all guys want this setup mind you though we can get what we want in the end either way someone will always get hurt.

  • Well, since this whole thing is more of a statement than an actual question, I'll just say "good for him."


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