Is contacting my ex (for closure, that's it) a good idea?

It's been almost a year since we broke up, and we never actually had the closure of breaking up in person, we just kinda stopped talking after I moved away last spring. He did text me in October to say he was sorry for letting it end in such a lame way, and we talked a bit but it became pretty clear that he was trying to get back with me and I stopped talking to him. I'm going back to his city for a weekend coming up, though, and he said before that he'd really like to see me the next time I'm around. I've been thinking for months about whether I want to contact him about getting lunch, but I don't know if it's a good idea.

Just to be clear, I don't want to get back together with him. I'm in a serious long-term relationship and we're actually in such a happy place right now, that I think now is the best time to meet with my ex. I won't be doing it out of desperation, and I know that I am absolutely over him, but at the same time I'd like to talk to him one last time and end it on good terms. I don't think I'll be out in that area again for a long time, so it might be my only chance to get the closure that he and I never had. I just don't know if it would be weird to ask him to meet me after all this time. Is it a bad idea?

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  • No it is not a great idea, I did that with an ex girlfriend and ended up sharing a house with her and was used as a sex outlet for her, may have been handy but was not really the right reason, then she bought new boyfriends into the house every so often, they would stay with us and sleep in her room, but when they left for work I'd find her in my bed naked and initiating sex or already making use of the morning erection us guys have. Being the the other guy was a handy sexual release but it did not feel right and I left. Yes most guys would think a no strings attached sex relationship would be great but when you had or still have some feelings for your ex and they use you as a sex toy it just doesn't feel right for me and I needed to get out of there and move on. Unfortunately that was the end of my sex life but at least my self respect came back.

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    • Oh, dear. Well, that's definitely not going to happen with me... I'm in a much better relationship now, and I have absolutely no attraction left for him. Plus, like I said, I live so far away now that anything beyond a long-distance friendship isn't possible. I just feel bad that his attempt to stay friends ended so rudely on my part, and I actually really want to see if he's happier now than he was a year ago (he was pretty messed up while we were dating).

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What Guys Said 6

  • I think it will hurt him even more to see you and not be able to have you. Maybe send him a card with a short note written on it.

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  • i was reading this thinking yes you should meet up until I read that your are in a serious relationship which made me change my mind, I think you will just stir up old feelings and cause heartache.

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  • Bad idea. You've ended it the best way already. It won't get better.

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  • I did the same thing and she didn't seem to care, but I guess it depends on the type of breakup

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  • If you think it will help then go for it. I wouldn't though.

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  • Absolutely good for closure. Do it.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I would say yes (if the ex is not abusive/dangerous), though I am hesitant because you're in a serious relationship. Why do you still need the closure despite being in a happy place? Is your SO okay with it? I just don't see it as necessary IMO if he already apologized once and you talked a bit. So, if I were you, I would let sleeping dogs lie. I am curious if there are other factors at play here.

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    • Plus, if he tried to get back together before, he may again. I know if I had a boyfriend who needed "closure" from his ex like this I would be upset. Is this new guy a rebound by any chance?

    • Nooo my current boyfriend is definitely not a rebound haha. To be honest, he's kind of the reason I'm considering doing this. When the ex and I were talking in October, I told my boyfriend about how he was bugging me and I wanted to end it. He said, sometimes guys don't know how to deal with break ups and even though he was acting weird, I should give him a chance to be friends (I didn't). Plus, he's a pretty depressed guy, so I genuinely want to catch up and see if he's doing okay these days.

    • No! Nononono. Please don't do it. If exie (like my nickname? lol) has feelings for you, AND he's depressed (he may see you as his only chance of being happy), you are in for a fixer-upper scenario in which he may beg for you to come back, etc. You may be sucked in by guilt to be friends and "save" him even though you decided against that path initially. Seriously. I wouldn't go there.

  • Been there, done that. However, in my case my ex would not answer to any of my emails. I need the closure, but he doesn´t let me. Worst thing, he is married now, so I am the one trying to look for the closure. That´s the best thing you can do, you need to let the past go and focus on your future. Definitely, I advice you to do it.

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  • I wouldn't

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