Boyfriend still misses ex girlfriend, what should I do?

My boyfriend dated his ex for 4 months but the relationship ended because she had to move away and he stayed here to finish school at our university.

Its been 7 months since their breakup but he still misses her. He had intentionally not contact her back because he wants to get over her.

My thing is, I don't think I can compete with his fantasy of her. They dated or only 4 months so he didn't have time to see her flaws yet and she was exactly his "type" (smart, science girl, pretty, cute, etc)

Do I stay or leave?
  • Stay. He will get over her. He's already ignoring her contact attempts.
    Vote A
  • Leave, don't compete with a fantasy or his unresolved experience
    Vote B
  • See answer
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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I really love him though so it's difficult. He is good lookin and smart and tall. A lot of girls like him and I'm so happy with him.

About his ex though, he also took her virginity. She was still a virgin at 24 last year. So you guys see, to him, she's practically "perfect"

Will he get over her though? I totally think she's largely just a fantasy.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Your can love more then one person in the same span. It's unlikely for your situation. Sounds like he needs to be left on his own to explore his emotional potential. You're doomed if he has only the good times to remember, not just you, but every woman to follow.

    • p.s. You don't get over unresolved emotions. You learn to live with them.

    • I think you are completely right. She was "perfect" in his eyes (virgin, since girl, sexy, cute, nice, witty, etc) and so no matter what I do, I can't compete with her right?

      What do you think?

      I know he checks up on her FB profile and twitter occasionally (they're not friends on FB because it was 'difficult' for her to get over him)

      When we have sex, he doesn't even look at me sometimes! I'm not bad looking and we went to med school together for 4 years.

    • *science girl

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Just about every guy harbors some kind of past experience that has beome a ghost or a fantasy for him. As you say, it's an image we have of someone without flaws, since in our memory we have made them ideal..

    Since VERY few guys do NOT have these memories, or fantasies, you will have to learn to put up with them! He can't help having these feelings, and he'll only get upset with you if you try to censor them.

    He knows better than to pursue her in reality, since it would spoil this idealized image of let him have her memory. It sounded like a sweet relationshipk and it never really ended since it was only a qustion of physical separation.

    Most likely, decades from now, if you separate or you die before him, he will then try to find her. But I don't think it will ever be a problem so long as you are together and happy.

  • If you give up too son, you'll be regretting this when you're older.

    He might be your perfect man after all.

  • dear..

    if you love him just because he's good looking and blah blah blah, think again..

    his fantasy about his ex just keep in disturbing you all the time, right? then you woldn't love him for a 100%...

    i think you just had to leave him and move on. at the time he realizes his mistake, he'll back to u.

    but if it doesn't work, go for another boys... :)

    but, in case you really love him, try to let him in his fantasy, but keep on convincing him that u'll be the one in real for him. and as the time goes by, his fantasy about the ex will fades away...


What Girls Said 1

  • I think you need to let him be alone as well, he isn't really dealing with not being with her. He has you as a distraction, yes he probably has feelings for you too but he hasn't resolved his issues with her regardless if its fantasy or not. The truth is he is not over her. I have been him and I can say nothing, knowone makes those feelings go away until you decide to deal with them get over them and move on . He has not done that.

    Leave him, give him space.

    Good luck


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