Since then, she came back, asked to get back together, moved away, left me again, came back and so on.
Now, its been almost 4 years since the initial break up. Last summer she met a guy and he let her down when it was time to move in with her. I hadn't talked to her in months when she called me. Getting back together never was on the menu but during 2012 Xmas vacations, we saw each other and something lit up. We spent a whole month together and she finally told me that she still had feelings for me.
Since January, we spent a few week ends (she lives 125 miles away) together, no arguments, just pure fun. We think like one, sometimes, I don't even have to open my mouth for her to know what I am thinking. Sex has never been that great. We went out for dinner, music shows, stuff we never did before.
Last week, she asks me to come to her place. I ended spending 9 days at her place (I work from home, so as long as I have internet, I'm good). First week end, all good, then, during the week, she was weird, first I thought nothing of it but last Saturday, we woke up, had sex and right after, she tells me : "I finally made up my mind. We will not get back together, ever but I found out that my feelings changed for you, I am growing more and more fond of you and I almost quit my job to go back to you so we could buy a house and move in together".
At first, I was stunned, all this, at once... I felt my heart pound harder than ever and I did not know what to make of it all.
So it all boils down to this :
-She was hurt by me in the past
-She still loves me (more even)
-She almost quit her job to move in with me (I live in her hometown (city), so all her family is here)
-Says she does not want to hurt me by coming back to me
-Says she's afraid I will fall back into my old habits (I used to have an anger management problem and to be impetuous and impatient)
-Says she's afraid it won't work together
So, I don't know what to make of this. I love this woman with all my heart, I mean, not in a freaky way but tenderly. I want to be with her, to protect her, to tell her everything will be alright. I want to be her best friend, her soul mate, her love.
I feel like she's so close but yet so far away. When I left her place, I told her I could not be her friend if I could not be her lover. She cried. I told her I could not be there for her because I could never cease to love her.
I haven't spoken to her in 2 days now (I left her place on last Sunday) and I don't plan to ever talk to her again in this life.
She claims she still loves me and even more than before. I'd like to have the opinion of a few ladies on this.
We've known each other for over 9 years now, we're no longer infatuated and it scares her, you know, the little butterflies in the stomach and all... But something replaced it, a deep respect and understanding I never thought, I could ever find/achieve.
Most Helpful Girl
Look I'm young and doesn't have that much experience when it comes down to love. However what I see here is that you both are making a pretty simple situation more complicated than ever. Maybe it is the intensity of your feelings for each other.
The way I see it, you both love each other and undoubtedly, the love you have for each other even if it isn't perfect and has its ups and down is still one of a kind. If I only focus on this I really don't see why the two of you wouldn't be together. I'm not saying all people need to make it work is love. But it does factor in a lot. You could both learn from your past mistakes in handling your situation, and make it work this time.
Also I'm sure you did notice, people do evolve and grow up and become more mature. You mentionned having worked on your anger issue which is a very good thing.
Have you asked yourself if you would ever regret it to not be with her? Where do yo usee yourself a few years down the line? If you both want to be in each others' future why wouldn' t you be?