How do you know when it's time to break up?

My boyfriend and I have a ton of issues lately - we fight a lot. A lot. He's almost at his breaking point, and has told me he wanted to break up with me several times. Every time we have a big fight.

But, he also is on antidepressants (started a couple months ago), and blames his "depression" on me. I'm using quotations because he hasn't truly been diagnosed. He also willingly admits that he was "depressed" before he met me.

I, on the other hand am too controlling - probably due to the fact that I was abused as a child, and lost my father from suicide at the age of 12. My parents also divorced when I was young enough to know and remember what was going on. I think these things have contributed to my thinking.

Most of our fights start from his temper, or me being controlling - then escalate from there. He prefers to ignore me when we fight - or, to freak out, run through every thing I've ever done wrong, insult me then ignore me. I feel like I NEED to talk things out during a fight but am able to without being irrational or losing my temper too much. This just fuels it more, and we end up even more angry at each other.

Lately we've been fighting more, and I'm not sure if it's just because our relationship has run it's course, or because we aren't working hard enough to change.

Every two days lately we've been getting into huge fights, he loses his temper easier and I'm not sure why.

When we're good, we're really good. & When we're bad, we're awful.

How do I know if it's time to give up? I can't handle this roller coaster much longer

Also, he refuses to see a therapist, and has been doing nothing but sleeping until 2pm and playing video games, or going to the bar for the past 2-3 weeks. No gym or anything. I'm suspicious if it's his meds contributing, but it's too touchy for me to talk about with him.

If anyone could provide some insight it would be great.

Also, we have a two week vacation in Ireland booked for June. If we really break up, I don't want to go - and if nothing changes and we're together, I'm not going to feel comfortable. But he'll be out $2000.00 if I back out.

He threatens me when we fight, with breaking up, not talking to me, or not following through with something. And frequently insults me when we're fighting. It's no huge deal for him to call me a ****, in his eyes. I'm so confused - he's either the sweetest guy I've ever met, or the worst.

But I can't decide if the good outweighs the bad or not...

I'm sorry this is so long. I really am...

Updates:
Oh - I'll also be out that much money too, but it won't affect me as much. He's saved a lot for this, and I'm the one who originally wanted to go.


He planned this mostly by himself, but also was going to the travel agent during the times when he was constantly threatening to break up with me - which doesn't make much sense to me.


He's always threatened a break up, so I can't tell if he's bluffing or not anymore.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I wouldn't say your relationship has run its course, it just needs some work. You both have experienced some serious issues throughout your lives and need to accept them and grow from them in order to become healthier and move on.

    Would you consider therapy? Individually first, then separate.

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    • I'm trying to make therapy happen. He doesn't want to go and I've been fighting him on it for five months.

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    • So far it is! And thank YOU! (:

    • Good, glad to hear it : )

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What Girls Said 2

  • break up with him, I don't see the point in dating someone like this. You two both have a lot of growing up to do. Work on yourself and move on, its not healthy having any type of relationship like that.

    oh and take me to Ireland, problem solved! :)

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    • Hahah as long as you've got ten grand to fork out then sure! :p

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    • hahaha lol. no we can actually go for pretty cheap cause my husbands family lives there :)

    • No way! I'm being chauffeured and staying in manors and castles for two weeks. Only way to go! Haha done the cheap way already.

  • You need to talk to him about it. As someone who dealt with a rocky relationship while also dealing with a mental illness I know what he is going through. But just because he acts a certain way doesn't mean that's how he feels. He honestly might just be frustrated with life in general right now and unfortunately he could be taking that out on you.

    I don't think it's time to just quit especially like you said when you're good you're really good. You just need more communication and he probably does need to go get some help. That in itself is an entirely different issue though.

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    • It's so hard to talk to him about things. He bottles everything up and hates talking...

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    • How else would you suggest?

    • Explain that if things stay this way you're not happy and want to break up.

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