My guy is going through a difficult time, but pushing me away. Should I give him more time or walk away?

I was dating a guy (we were friends first) for a little over a month and things were great. He called, texted or visited my desk at work daily. He told me he cared about me so much it scared him. He introduced me to his friends and then told me how much they liked me. He did say that he wasn't prepared to meet me and wished he was in a more stable place in his life (he was living with friends when we started dating and also fighting a DUI). Last month, he was found guilty of the DUI charge. I let him know that I was here for him and would support him while he deals with everything. But in the last month, I barely hear from him and we haven't spent time together since his trial. He even promised to call so we could make plans to hang out and then didn't. I know he is going through a lot, but I am really hurt that he has shut me out. What is confusing is that he does still initiate contact with me once or twice a week. He called to check on me when I was home sick and offered to bring me medicine. He texted me one night after I had a really bad day and was about to go out of the country for a week to tell me he hoped my day got better and that I had a good trip. He came by my desk another day to see me and touched my arm and my back. He let me know that he is moving into an apartment closer to our office and emailed me while I was on my trip to tell me he had completed half of his community service hours. When I call or text him, he responds immediately. But whenever I mention spending time together, he avoids the topic. I told him I would be here, but it feels like he doesn't want to be with me...but on the other hand, he still stays in contact periodically and updates me on what is going on in his life. I am just so confused...does he want me in his life or not? I really care about him, but don't know if he just needs time or if I need to cut my losses and walk away.


Most Helpful Girl

  • no I don't think you should cut your ties. it sounds like he's going through a lot and is trying to be honest about it. I think getting a dui has gotta be a tough thing to face and deal with especially if its going to interfere with job prospects (which usually does if a valid d/l is required by so many employers). so yeah maybe he's hesitating because he's worried that you'll dump him when you realize that he's not going to be able to get work, make long term plans etc. etc. so it's up to you if you want to keep him as a boyfriend and make things work. take care and good luck :o)

    • thank you honey. I sure hope it all works out for you two! he sounds like a honest man and so do you. best of luck for you :o)

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What Guys Said 1

  • I don't think you should cut ties completely with him. Guys and girls both don't like to admit they need anyone. He needs you and that's why he still texts and calls you. I guess he isn't comfortable seeing you outside of work in his current mental state. Ride it out like I am with my situation.


What Girls Said 1

  • Distract yourself. If you haven't done the DTR thing and said you were exclusive with each other, date someone else. This will be good for you personally and it will also put the relationship into perspective. If he is serious about you he will stake a claim; if he is not you are already getting back out there.


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