Should I go see my EX even if I'm in a serious relationship?

Five years ago, I met this guy on tour and we instantly clicked. We spent the entire tour together, literally acting like a couple, and it was some of the best days of my life. After the tour was over, we tried to keep a long-distance relationship and Skyped every day, but it was getting too hard. We saw each other twice after the tour and had a great time, but after two years of dating online, we decided it'd be best if we remained friends considering the likelihood of seeing each other again was so rare.

A couple of months after that happened, I met the love of my life. We've been together for three years and know we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Although I'm conscious of the strong feelings I had for my long-distance boyfriend, I never let it get in my way from my relationship today... until just about yesterday.

A few weeks ago, my ex messaged me on Facebook and told me he was on tour again and was passing by my city in a couple of weeks (that day was yesterday). I was immediately excited to go see his show and see him again after all of these years. I never thought it would've been as hard as it was though... Last night I went to see him alone, and all of the feelings came back. It was so hard saying goodbye, especially after he tried to kiss me. Now I'm in my apartment contemplating whether to go back up and see him today (he's in town until tomorrow), or let those feelings go and not let them interfere with my current relationship.

What should I do? Part of me wants to go see him and really want to sleep with him - especially since I never got to be very physical with him since we mostly dated online. But part of me also knows there's no future with him and that I shouldn't sabotage what I have today.

Any help is appreciated...


Most Helpful Guy

  • "But part of me also knows there's no future with him and that I shouldn't sabotage what I have today."

    You should listen to that part.

    Look, sabotage is what it will be. I've seen way too many people go screw around on their partner, only to have that sh*t surface again months, even years later, in one way or another. When you do something like this, you're basically setting a ticking time bomb for yourself, and you have no idea when it will go off or how. The only guarantee is that IF it does, it will be extremely destructive.


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What Guys Said 4

  • Not only no future, but mostly no past, you just saw him online mostly, and on tour. He has a girl in every town, just like you...

    so stay with your real partner, not the Music Man. Life isn't a Disney movie.

  • If you feel that you're going to see him and actually sleep with him, you're just compromising your relationship with your current boyfriend. Eventually, you cheating will come up and you will be left forever by your love of your life.

  • If you love your boyfriend and wouldn't cheat on him then you should feel OK going to see him, however you need to make it "crystal clear" that there can be no physical stuff between you two.

    Or tell your current boyfriend and see if he'd like to go hang out with him.

    The problem I see is that you clearly still have feeling for your ex and going to see him is just tempting the fates. If you can 100% decide and know that you won't betray your boyfriend then you should feel OK about going but the fact that you question it makes me think that you can't trust what you may or may not do with the ex.

    i'd say take your boyfriend with him, make sure you won't cheat and make it clear to the ex that you can't do anything other than be his friend, OR if neither of those things are possible then you shouldn't go

  • You can go but why don't you bring your seems as though you're TRYING to sabotage your current relationship


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