Dating a girl for 3 months; drops the "I'm not ready for a relationship on me" BS? *see details*

Met a girl around the holidays, hit it off. We meshed well, had a lot of fun together. One problem is she is away at school until May, but we still texted/chatted a lot while she was back at school and I even visited. Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, she gives me this whole speech about how we rushed into things, she would feel guilty if we maintained our current status of boyfriend/girlfriend as she isn't ready for a relationship; but she truly cares about me, wants us to be in a position to work down the road, and thinks I was an amazing boyfriend. She wants to take a step back and pretend we are 2 people who have known each other for 4 months, but live in separate cities, yet still interested in each other.

So currently, we still chat. I have made a point to back off, give her space, and not initiate on my end. So far, she's been the one to reach out to chat, but I can tell the interest level is waining. She barely asks about me or what I've been up to, and I have to pry her for questions to keep conversations going. More recently she told me she might consider staying in the city she is going to school for a job (originally she was planning on moving back to my city after she graduates), and was sending me job links, almost rubbing it in.

She claims she isn't letting me down easy (I flat out asked), but I don't get that vibe. I want us to work but I don't know how I should proceed because I don't know if she is just being nice or truly has interest in me still and wants us to have a shot down the road (if it works out for both of us)...

Thanks all, my head has been spinning for weeks.
Not really an update, but 2 days after she told me she wanted to take a step back, I told her I think we should just end it completely. She actually resisted this idea, saying we would lose our foundation, but rather still wants to remain close.

Just an update...I haven't reached out to her once, and naturally, we haven't spoken in a week.

I think I know her true intentions...


Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, I'm sorry this is happening to you. She sounds like she is playing games. Perhaps she wasn't sure she wanted a relationship and liked attention she got from other guys? Who knows. But I think you need to really re-asses how you feel about her. Take a step back and think about whether your relationship really was that great.

    Was she a good girlfriend? Did you really love her? Long distance can be hard, but its a HUGE red flag when the other person starts talking about going in a different direction (away from you), and they do not make plans with you. BIG RED FLAG!

    I'm only saying this because I have experienced this, although it took 2 years for it to come to a head. Don't be me, let her go if that is truly what she wants. Find a girl who would be over the moon to have you! Trust me, we are out there! I wanted so bad to make a life with my boyfriend, but he had other plans. So he threw what we had away. Now I am basically just doing my own thing and living for myself.

    Sometimes you just have to watch out for number 1. Don't let her get you down. Like I said, there are plenty of girls who would love to have a guy like you who wants to be present in the relationship and make things work. Don't settle for someone who is being flaky like she is.

    • That is why it's so even though it was short lived, compared to other relationships I've been in, this one had the most potential. SHe was very loving and thoughtful and it basically came to a screeching halt.

    • Yupp, same with my ex. He wasn't affectionate, but I knew he cared. We also were on the same page with almost everything, and even completed each others' sentences. But I guess he wasn't really into me that much after all. It's terrible and you feel like crap, but you gotta pick yourself up and dust yourself off and go after what you want and deserve. That's what I am doing, I'm not letting someone hold me down from what I want. Some other girl will be overjoyed to be with you! :)

    • I'm sorry that happened to you. But I guess you can consider yourself lucky. You dodged a bullet, on to someone who is actually going to make time for you.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • That's not necessarily "bullsh*t," she may be really telling you what she wants, even though it kind of sucks for you--so don't blame her for giving you crap. Just take what she's telling you at face value. You should tell her what you want, too, though, and if you really don't want to go down that path with her, let her know. It depends on how much you like her and everything, but if I were you, I probably wouldn't be up for acting like we were "just two people who are sort of interested in each other" after you had had a lot more than that. Crappy situation--I'm sorry you're in it--but you just have to decide what's best for you and move forward.


What Guys Said 2

  • I'm just gonna say it...leave her. I would never tell a girl that I am not ready for a relationship now, if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her later. Your just wasting your time while you could be out there finding someone that actually wants the same goals that you have. It's time to start over, and forget her. The more you feel bad about the situation, the more your blowing opportunities with someone that would always be there for you.

    She's already moved on, and its time for you to face the truth.

  • Erase her number and all contacts. Who the heck comes back after a relationship and say they are not ready for one. She's weird.


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