Should I break up a perfectly good relationship over a potential problem far in the future?

My boyfriend doesn't want kids. He's told me multiple times that he doesn't. He's stated that it's because while he loves his nieces and nephews, he can't stand the crying and whining and parenting and doesn't ever want to have to put up with that.

However, he talks about marrying me one day. He's great with kids. Sometimes he'll joke about how he'd treat his kids if he had any. (Like, "if I have kids I'll teach them how not to eat glue the hard way." when I got my hands stuck together with superglue and had to get his help.)

But at the same time, he still asserts that he doesn't want any. And when I talk about my future kids (because he knows I definitely want a family of my own one day), I can tell he gets uncomfortable. Probably because he knows I'm implying that we would eventually break up and I'd have them with someone else.

But... I guess I'm just confused. If he loves me, wants to marry me potentially, and even will talk about his future kids (even though it's in a joking manner), how could he still be so strongly against having them?

We're both in our early twenties. I DEFINITELY am not ready for kids or marriage... in fact, if he said "let's get married and have babies right now" I'd probably break up with him. I don't want kids for at least another five or six years... and who knows if we even make it that long. Yet, I want the possibility of that eventually, especially if he's already planning to be with me long-term. Should I talk to him about it at all? How should I go about it? Should I just break up with him now even though we're in love and perfectly happy, just to avoid future complications?

Also, I'm about to meet his parents this weekend, and next month he's coming to meet mine over break. We're also approaching the six-month mark. It's safe to say our relationship is getting pretty serious. We're happy, and I'm sure we have potential to last a long time... but should I even allow this relationship to go into the long term if we have such different life goals?

Do we even have different life goals? Does he genuinely not want kids, ever, or is he just too young and not ready yet? Men, have you or anyone you know ever changed your mind about kids? Why would you want to marry someone knowing that you have different visions for your future together?

Should I talk to him about this at all?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Have that conversation before you say yes, but not any time soon. (you're just at the meeting parents stage) You never know what you're going to get, some babies don't cry and are a lot of fun. (others are colicky)


Most Helpful Girl

  • The future will worry for itself. Don't let your "now" be bothered with the "what if in the near future" thoughts. It'll come. Enjoy what you are having now. Many things can happen within 5-6 years, you know . Who knows? By then he might wanna have kids. :) And try asking your parents for their opinion. Parents know best. :)

    • Yeah... my mom's twice divorced. She doesn't believe in love. Her best advice would be to dump him and marry the next guy who's got a good resume and wants kids.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • Talking doesn't seem to be working and both of you aren't dealing with the real world of tomorrow to even know how solid your feelings are about kids, how strong your marriage will be support all that & life's slings & arrows to boot.

    So your only solution to air today is "break up"? Really?
    At least consider allowing other guys into your life to see if they might compare as better candidates but with a strict guard up that loving to have kids someday is not a trump card they can play to beat out the competition, never have an opinion on that.

  • You can either end things now before you get even more attached, or end things later when it's messier and more painful. Your choice


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