Trying to be a good girlfriend?

I've fallen pretty badly for this guy, and I really want the relationship to last. He's an amazing guy but I know he broke up with his ex-girlfriend for being too clingy, so for the whole of the relationship I've tried to be chilled and if anything I've tried to keep how much I like him hidden (not as in I'm being cold and playing hard to get, though I did at first; as in I just try to act really casual about our relationship and my feelings). So I don't text him 24/7, I don't demand he spends all his time with me and not his guy friends, I'm not the kind of girl obsessed with shopping and I'm not "high maintenance" at all; I guess to him I appear to be chilled with a lot of things (internally I freak out when I see him talking to a girl etc. and get insanely jealous, though he'll never know that!) but the thing is I honestly DO want to spend as much time with him as possible, I love being with him and we get on so well, not just as boyfriend and girlfriend but as friends too.

So, what should I do? Should I keep up this "chilled" act for as long as possible, or should I tell him the true extent of my feelings for him? It's not so drastic that it's changed my personality, or that I've been lying about who I am to him for all this time, it's more just me being open about something I find really important yet sometimes I'm too worried to vocalise. Thanks for your time, I'd appreciate any advice (:

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It just sounds like the borderline obsessive mode that starts at the beginning of a promising relationship lol. Been there, trust me, scared away at least one guy like that lol. Just keep it chill, maybe ask him to hang out together and try to keep calm (no clawing out other girls eyes :P). My ex was a clingy guy, and for some girls he'd be awesome. For me? Not so much lol. I'm a chill person but the way I that I've found that works to let guys know feelings towards them isn't so much through talking or anything, but touching (don't make it sloppy and trashy). Don't be shy, make it natural (i.e. don't full on grope him lol) but if your sitting next to him, sides touching, (or if your really brave, like I was in rare fashion lol, legs tangled practically on top of him, only recommend this if you REALLY know him.) or in the back seat of a car be willingly squished together, especially for no reason (this happened over the weekend, when another friend was driving with his girlfriend was in the front, full seat next to us, remained squished even after the other friend sitting next to us had already left. ^^) Now, there is a disclaimer, this person and I have had a mutual crush on and off for three and a half years and have flirted physically (never moving past gentle body brushes or tickling) and verbally intermittently through out that time (the interruption was when I had a long term boyfriend for about 1.5 years which recently ended, he was the clingy guy mentioned earlier), so what he finds attractive and cute might not be the same for a guy you've been 'cool' with and suddenly leap to medium. You might want to start off with just a little closer hugs (my favorite way to hug guys/to be hugged is to wrap my arms around their neck and press my body against them while their arms wrap around my waist) or a kiss on the cheek just to differentiate him between how you treat friends and family.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Simply be true to yourself.

    If you want him to spend as long as possible with you, voice out your concern. If you keep lying who you are, you're just destroying this good relationship you're having.

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  • You sound like a keeper! It's just the initial stage of a relationship and like most girls when you finally fall hard for a guy...you want to talk/be/do everything with him!

    I think it's good that you're trying to keep things in check and under control without going full-on clingy-stalker-lover mode! lol I think it should be OK if you talk to him about it because he should know and MAYBE...just maybe he feels the same and is trying to keep his emotions under control too!

    The whole infatuation stage/thing is just natural in the beginning of a relationship when you finally meet a great person. If you become super clingy later on in the relationship and he feels smothered or choked...THEN it's an issue.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Did he ever tell you what his definition of "too clingy" is? If not, you should probably ask him. Then you know where to go. It's never good to try and put up a front for the sake of keeping a guy around. Despite what you think now, it's not worth it in the long run.

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