Why is my ex living with me and my husband?

I dated a man on and off for 8 years. It was only a couple of weeks each year and casual. I cared deeply for him, but he saw me as only a friend. We both dated others. We had a volatile relationship, but we were friends at the core and always there for each other. 7 years ago I met my husband and my relationship with the other man became one of pure platonic friendship. He and my husband get along really well. Recently, the ex was dumped by his girlfriend and needed a new place to live, so my husband and I offered him our spare bedroom for cheap rent, as a kindness. (He had been living with his parents again. Not cool in your 40s). Well, now he has been living with us for a month and he is acting strangely towards me. He is friendly, but jumps if I step near him. I hug and kiss everyone (very European), but he moves away and squirms if I go to hug him goodbye. My husband is a very secure man and comfortable with my ex living with us. They get along very well. But even my husband said "you have a friend living with us and you guys never hang out. He never invites you to hang out or even to watch tv. That's so weird".

So, I have two questions.

1. Would you ever live with an ex and his/her spouse? Why?

2. Why is my ex acting like I have the plague? He is friendly and chatty sometimes, but appears terrified to hang out with me or let me touch him, even on the arm.



Most Helpful Guy

  • I would never invite my ex to live with myself and my wife, and I would never allow my wife's ex to live with us. And if she ever even brought up the possibility, I'd move out.

    • my husband and I have a secure relationship. My husband thinks my ex must have been desperate to find an apt if he's living with us. Would YOU ever live with an ex and her spouse? I just can't imaging doing that myself, no matter how desperate I am. Even as friends, I'd rather live with my parents.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • 1. I wouldn't do that. It's just too unethical. I would simply respect their relationship.

    2. It's because he doesn't want to give you the message that he still likes you, and would jump at you when your husband's away.

  • Yes, and maybe he is scared old intimate feelings maybe reawakened in him and doesn't know how to handle it.

    • How can I tell whether he's scared of feeling something towards me? I'm concerned he may have misunderstood my intentions (although I've never done anything to make him think that). How can I help him to be more comfortable around me, if he won't hang out with me or go near me? (We have coffee once a week, that's it. And we live in the same apt!)

    • And if he's worried about that, why did he move in?

    • I am not sure but I moved in with an ex and it did turn sexual but she was single at the time, but when she had boyfriends move in that stopped for a while, until I woke up one morning to her having sex with me when boyfriend had left for work. Happened regularly, but her boy friends were bastards anyway and she turned to me in the mornings for intimacy and her way was sex, but that was only one ex. All the others were just platonic friendships afterward. Maybe just ask him straight out

What Girls Said 1

  • Why is my ex living with me and my husband? ___ because you let him live with you

    Maybe you shouldn't get intimate with him, hugging and kissing is. He doesn't like it because he doesn't like that sort of behavior + because of your past + he is friends with the husband

    + he is living with his ex