I met a guy over a year ago via a online dating service. We had gone out on 20-30 dates and inseparable. We talked every night, spend 2-3 nights together sleeping in the same bed (no sex), and went everywhere together. Family and friends thought we were together.
During this same year, he lost his high-paying job and his home. I offered him to stay at my house until he got back on his feet. When I offered him the front bedroom, he said no "we would be like an old married couple already." So he sleep in my bed.
We had a fantastic time all summer long, going kayaking, fishing, baseball games, and being silly around the house. We even made plans like a couple. We had talked about marriage, kids, the future, and even started a small business together.
In September, I finally had the courage to ask him what we were... he told me we were best friends and that he couldn't date anyone until he got himself right and he got a job. I was a little hurt but understood where he was coming from.
The past few months we have had some great moments and not so great moments... most of the issues we have had are around some of the girls on his Facebook page. The comments that they write and ex-gf's trying to chat with him. This has led to some trust issues and some fights. He assured me they are all long time friends and that he wouldn't do anything with any of them.
In Feb, I went to Florida for a week. The day before I left I said "if you are not interested in me or you don't see a future... just let me know " He couldn't answer and finally he said "let me get a job first and we will see about us." He also said "I will always be there for you and I would hate to lose you"
That brings me yesterday when I saw another girl on Facebook calling him "babe" after posting a picture. This particular girl is the same girl that he was rumored to have hooked up with June (something he denies).
I told him it made me think that something went on and he was demonstrating behavior that allowed her to think it was OK. He got really upset and said I was causing drama... saying he would never date a girl that caused drama (which if you knew me I am actually really laid back)
This led to a huge fight in which I told him I thought he had been leading me on this entire time and that I was a fool for believing he actually like me and that he wanted a future with me. He said that we were close friends, and that he thought being friends was going to be enough...
I kicked him out... I told him I loved him but I couldn't live like this anymore... I said it was inevitably anyway because the minute he moved for his new job he wouldn't talk to me anymore anyway ... he responded "that is not true and you know it" "I am tired of you saying that" I can't sit here and you tell me that the past year meant nothing. "he said I never said that" Then he left...
What does he mean by close friend? Do think things can be salvage?
Most Helpful Girl
Wow...I'm thinking Anon guy has some issues. He definitely missed the point here.
You have a right to be wary. You've been "together" with this guy for over a year, supporting him, offering him a place to stay, loving him...all the while he has yet to define the relationship. You're right in thinking that he's leading you on, because he is. He's fine acting like he's in a relationship with you and getting all the benefits, but the moment you ask him about it, he deflects it saying you're "close friends" and that should be enough or "let me get a job first and we will see about us"
From a purely objective standpoint, it seems like he's using you. As long as he doesn't put a label on the relationship, he can continue to have his cake and eat it too: acting like you're in a relationship but saying otherwise...flirting with other girls but denying it...having a roof over his head but disrespecting you...
Can things be salvaged? Probably, but by "salvaged" you're just going to go back to being his support system and "friend" without him giving you what you want.0