Why do ex bfs try so hard to stay friends?

My ex and I work together. He broke up with me 9 months ago after dating me for a year. He pursued me hard at first. But, he broke up close to year saying he got really scared. This is his first serious relationship ever (he's 23), and he feels like he has a lot more to accomplish in life before taken on the responsibility of a serious relationship. He said he didn't know that about himself, and he genuinely cared (and still cares) for me.

He has tried so hard in the last few months to stay friends. Everyday at work, he tries to talk to me. He always tries to make conversation even though I ignore him and am so cold. He always confronts me asking why we can't just be friends. He is geniunely trying, and it breaks my heart to see him try so hard and get nothing back from me (clearly I am reeeeally soft..lol). But I am still really hurt over the break up.

I still love him and think I get along more with him more than anyone else in my life. I really care about him still. Why is he trying so hard and so genuinely to be friends? Why would boys do this? What should I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd say don't read too much into it,most guys do this kind of stuff because they feel guilty. And they always say that they "still care" about their exes deeply. Let me tell you this, after every break up whether I initiated it or my ex, they would always say that same BS. Because guys know girls' soft spot. they know what we want to hear. Unfortunately being friends with an ex is not a good idea. If he really regrets breaking up with you and wants you back, make him work for it. Don't give in easily. He needs to prove that he is worthy of your second chance girl. Come on you are young and I'm sure you will find another guy who will treat you like a queen and will never even risk losing you. Hugs! Good luck! It will be ok!

    • Thanks! I needed to hear that! Because as an ex, my mind always thinks maybe he's trying allof this because he misses me. I know he doesn't feel guilty anymore. Its been too many months for that. But still, I am going to try to ignore his actions, and just keep doing my own thing. If he cares THAT much, he can come and find me.

    • my ex suggested meeting up in person and "maybe" talk things over...I emailed him how bout next week and no response (it shows he read it)--like wtf? have you had that happen?

    • @seurcha: that actually never really happened to me because I really end things for good with each break up. So every time my exes would end up contacting me to meet up, I would never respond. To me it is too little too late and annoying because whatever the reason for the break up was, if I am trying to move on and my ex keeps trying to sneek back in my life is not very thoughtful it is selfish. But again if an ex really regrets the break up YOU will know through his actions.

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What Guys Said 1

  • My guess is that he broke up with you because he wasn't sure if you 2 would be a perfect match for him. A grass is always greener situation. This guy probably found out that it isn't greener at all. However, since he ended it with you, he might feel that he betrayed you or worse in the break up. All people feel this way during a relationship, that I could do better. Believe it or not, you have or will have that epiphany and how you perceive and act on it will determine your staying part in the relationship. He acted poorly in my opinion. He's trying to test the waters again with you, but ignoring him and cold looks are like sharks in the water keeping him from the relationship treasure at the bottom. Best thing you can do is tell him how you feel. That you want to be more than friends and that being friends won't work. If he says that he just wants to be friends. It's best that you dive elsewhere.

    • Thanks! I don't want to really be more than friends with him right now, but I can't be friends either. I think we both need time to move on, grow up and get over this. I'm not expecting anything to happen in the future. So its just best to move on.

What Girls Said 2

  • if your ex breaks up with you cause of complications in their life and wants to stay friends, there's a chance that when it blows over, he would like to get back together

    things like this take time. people do get back together

    my friend was dating her boyfriend for 9 months, then he broke up with her

    and a year later, they're dating again

    • Thanks! Yea, I don't think his complications have blown over yet, but they may in the future. Either way, I don't plan on sticking around because its just too painful.

  • I think it is a good thing-men need to feel like they can provide for a family before they settle down-he is realizing this...plus if you married too soon he might wana be young free single and divorced...I think he really wants to be with you he needs to get his life together-guys get really scared---which means he is scared because he thinks of you as being the one-of course he wants to stay friends...he doesn't want to loose you. Give the guy a break-but don't close your options...you are young and should date around to see if it IS really him you wana be with...use it as an opportunity.

    • I completely agree with a lot of what you said. I don't think he thinks I'm the one or anything. But he def does want to make something of himself before getting too serious. I think, to keep my sanity, I'm going to keep avoiding him. If he wants me back THAT bad, he'll know where to find me.

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