How long is too long?

What do I do?

I have been with my boyfriend now for 6 months, because I have been thinking about the whole love issue, I realized that I really do love him. So last night, I said the 3 magic words to him, knowing that he might not say it back, seeing as he did tell me that he never loved before, but I did have some hopes, as we function perfectly together...(hes 26, and he's longest relationship so far was 6 months) He didn't say it back, he told me that means a lot to him, and just held me. I got a tinsy bit pissed off, as its only human if someone rejects you, not blantantly but still... He told me that he cares a lot 4 me, and that he's never been so relaxed with a girl before, that he's never had that before in a relationship, not having no doubts. He also told me, that it would be dishonest of him to say it right back, just for the sake of it, and that if he said it first, he wouldn't at all expect me to say it, and wouldn't regard it is as honest. He said that I mean that much more to him because I feel that way about him, but he's just not there yet. I don't know what to think, I feel let down, like I'm hanging on the line now, waiting for him to say it, and I know the more I wait the more I'm going to pull away. I really do love him and am willing to wait, but how long is too long to be put out there on the line?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you just need to give it time. If in a year he still doesn't know, then yes I would get out of the relationship.

    6 months isn't really long enough for a guy to be sure if he loves you or not. I dated a guy who didn't know he loved me, even after over 2 years of dating. You have to protect yourself. But I would set a timeline for when you are out of there if he hasn't figured it out. I wouldn't share this timeline with him, but keep it in your head. If the relationship is going well and you revisit this 6 more months down the road, hopefully he will be able to say he loves you.

    If not, then I don't think it's right. Thinks be seem to be going well, but a relationship without love is not really a relationship at all.

    It's unfair to you to stay in a loveless relationship. You have made it a priority for yourself to be loved, so find someone who can love you.

    I hope that he does realize that you are special and that he does love you. Because I know far too well unfortunately, how bad it feels to ask a guy if he loves you, only to hear "I don't know" after over 2 years. It sucks big time and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

    So I am urging you to be proactive in this. It's unfair for you to live without something you value, which you have made it clear you value being loved.

    So set that as a priority, make a timeline in your head, revisit. If things aren't changing, and he's still unsure, then it's not meant to be. Let him go at that point.

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What Guys Said 2

  • This is a tricky situation. I personally don't believe in telling someone you love them unless it is unconditional because this dilemma of "when is he/she going to say it back" comes up. All types of negative thoughts surface and all of a sudden the end of the relationship is nigh. I'd suggest you continue showing him how musch you love him for around 3 months or so.

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  • he might not be into say the (Ilove you ) but does he show it in other ways , yes it is nice to hear it at times ,

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What Girls Said 2

  • I recently decided I was tired of the words "I love you". Not because I don't believe in love, but because we have these three little words being said billions of times each day yet we continually ask ourselves "what is love?"

    So lately I've been refraining from using these words and have instead been expressing my love in other ways. Physical affection, detailed compliments, letting them know how content they make me, thoughtful gestures, more oral sex, etc.

    I think focusing on the act of love rather than the word, can be so much more sustainable and enjoyable than saying "i love you" a billion times a day.

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    • i don't know, I'm 25, and I have been previously in a relationship of 3 yrs, where the guy said it after 3 months, but in the end it wasn't real love...But nothing compares to the way the I feel with him and the way he makes me feel. I will wait, I know he's honest with me and wouldn't be with me otherwise, but it is hard knowing he's just not where you are at the moment...

    • Show All
    • We have a relationship where over the week I work in a different city, but weekends we're always together, and he always leaves his weekends free for me, even though I know his friends go out.

    • Hes really a stand out guy, he's never had a real relationship before, because girls have mainly left him and hurt him before it got too serious.. I have considered that he's like this because he's always had girlfriends that didn't appreciate him. He's a honest good guy, a little closed off otherwise with expressing emotion into words, (rarely do I hear any romantic stuff from him), but whenever I needed him his always been there, rarely any kind of bickering, and we hear from each other every day.

  • I would think about a year would be long enough, MAYBE a year and a half. But after that, sorry, he should know how he feels by then and after that length of time I would def be reevaluating my relationship.

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