Caught my husband cheating

I been married to this A__hole for 24 years and through out our marriage I have caught him and he only verbally apologized once. This last time after I caught him I threaten him with divorce and to go after half his pension. He always runs to his sisters house, or may this last time the home wrecker,but he hasn't been home since Thursday . I went to his job on Friday to talk to him after I couldn't get a phone conversation to talk he told me there was nothing to talk about since I wanted a divorce file for it I stated to him that I would be getting half his pension, he said he was OK. Should I believe him? After all he was rude and nasty

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Believe him, leave your heart open to life, and get a lawyer.

    He's not earned your trust if he repeats the mistake of cheating. Open relationships are one thing, monogamy is another. He obviously thinks it's okay for him to run around when you don't. So believe that he doesn't respect you and you deserve better.

    At the same time, don't condemn all men. We're not all like him. It will hurt, betrayal always does. And as we get older, it's easier to let our hearts and minds develop concrete patterns. So do yourself the favor of pushing that heart of yours towards moving on. Join OKCupid or eHarmony and make sure you talk to some other men. Make sure your husband understands you're separated, and make it a legal separation before you date. If he can make it look like you're cheating too, then it's a no fault divorce.

    Get a lawyer, get a lawyer, get a lawyer. My divorce was amicable and we didn't use them. But after 24 years, your man has probably developed a cold war attitude and will lie to you about his pension. His other woman may want it, too. So lawyer up. And make him pay the legal and court costs while you're at it. Don't be vindictive but at the same time protect yourself from an obviously dishonest man.

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What Guys Said 9

  • If you want the divorce you should just start the process and get it over with. Trust him or don't but if you want out of the marriage get out. Also I understand you are hurt but go after his pension because you deserve it, not because it will hurt him. Sorry you are going through this, but try to get thought this and start your life over again.

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  • Yes, believe him, he obviously wants a divorce, and you will get 50% of the homes capital, wether it his or not, and it sounds like the wise thing to do, this betrayal is un-acceptable, so keep your self respect and file for divorce, he's not worth it, and don't think your life will be anything less with out him, as it only gets better once you get rid of a cheat,x

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  • I'd bet that's why he was cheating to begin with. He wasn't happy in the relationship. You weren't giving him what he needed, and you were holding things over his head and threatening him. That's all the more incentive to go out there and find someone new. Now you're after half his pension that he worked for, not you... Same old same old...

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    • lol What does being a college graduate have to do with anything? His pension is still his, not yours. Just because you made it through school doesn't entitle you to his pension. You're irrational and rude. have fun with the divorce. He doesn't seem to want you anymore. So deal with it.

    • Show All
    • lol. When it comes to social security that's definitely true. When it comes to private pensions, if he didn't share the pension it's debatable. If she was a home maker which allowed him to pursue his career while she did everything else, the courts would most definitely side with her. If she had her own career, then they may not. It really depends on the particulars and who has the better attorney's. Anyway, her mentioning she has her own career show's she's just doing it out of spite.

    • There's probably be a lot of that spite (emotional abuse) in the marriage, thus why the guy has wanted to bail for years.

  • Personally I think that you're only getting what you deserve now having not left him earlier after catching him cheating on you time and time again.

    Good luck on the pension grabbing by the way, its more likely that existing assets will be split.

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  • I'm not you to judge him , you know him more than I do , but if I were in your place and I saw my wife cheating I wouldn't stay with her and I'd divorce her as fast as I can cheaters can't be trusted , it's undeniable fact.

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  • Yes you should believe him. Sorry you are having to go through this.

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  • Where is his pension now? Has he moved it or squandered it that's what id do

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  • He doesn't want you anymore. So file.

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    • I'm sure but guess what this is not the first time and you know I'm not lacking in personality that's why we were married for 24 years and if I didn't investigate he would have continued the charade but guess what?i entitled to half lolol

    • So go get it? Find wvidence of him cheating and use it.

      Do you have kids to feet? Maybe try to make e process easier on them?

  • You're extremely unlikey to be able to touch his pension. You're more likely to get half of existing assets like bank accounts and the house.

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    • Yes, I will be getting 50 percent he was a NYC bus driver spoke with lawyer some years ago

    • Okay. Good luck.

What Girls Said 2

  • When a spouse or significant other cheats on you, you should sit down and hear their side of the

    story. Maybe he was tired of being with you or maybe he felt like wasn't getting as much love out the relationship, or maybe he felt like he was the bad guy and what's the use? I believe men cheat out of the sake of feeling loved and young and I realized that men who cheat on their lovers are men who do not get enough love or plain out feel useless in their position 24 years is a long time and during that period, people change, views are different, and values can be modified. Instead of threatening on taking his pension or you're going to divorce him and telling him that he is bad for what he did, talk to him, understand him and try to work things out. Never yell or raise your voice at him, because I'm sure at the end of the day, he really coming back to you and that he deeply cares and loves you. He does not love the people he is cheating on you with. You're the main girll. If you took the time to quit nagging, be loving and patient(even though it was really wrong for him to cheat on you) and let him speak out , I guarantee that he would really treat you good, give you the respect you deserve and probably never cheat on you again. I believe that every man goes through a mid life crisis, some resort to having affairs with his spouse or they just stay quiet. It is your job to comfort and love him and vice versa. You could sit here and talk bad about your husband and that its probably all his fault, but I believe you're the one at fault as well. If you love him and still want to give your marriage another chance, forget everything he did, forgive him, take marriage cousenling, and be understanding, a reward will come out of it. and I'm not talking about his pension. Everyone has a chance to be happy and have a good relationship. I do not want you to think that I'm blaming you for anything, because I do not know your whole life story, I just want to give you advice on what really is the value of a good marriage, I believe it is communication, love, and understanding from your spouse. And him being rude and nasty shows that he still cares about you, he just does not want to listen to your arguing. If he did not care about you, he would be nice and give you his pension so you could leave him alone and get it over with.

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    • U are correct I'm sure I've played a part,but every time there's a problem he runs to his sisters house also, I found numbers on my phone bill, after ,this happen the next day I went to his job to try and talk to him, he was rude and stated that he did not want to talk and that he was not coming, I stated to him that if he didn't want to be with me that it was ok,but after 24 years I deserved some respect and. That we should talk. He also stated that since I was upset and yelling at him that I fil

  • Why are you even asking? Just leave him. He betrayed you at least twice and now he shows that he is willing to pay you (half his pension) to leave. Just leave and find someone to be happy with.

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