I still want to be in a relationship with him?

I’m in love with my best friend. Before you say I should tell him, he already knows: he’s my ex. We’ve known each other for about two years and have dated on and off since we met. He initially pursued me but things got a bit messed up. He thought I wasn’t as interested (I was just shy) and he was also still getting over someone else. We ended up dating for a few weeks and right before I left for college we got back together again.

Since then it has been a repetitive pattern of breaking up and getting back together. We talk every day for hours. When things are bad he will tell me that he feels uncomfortable or that I like him more than he likes me or that he doesn’t think we get along well enough, so then he breaks up with me. Each time I think things will improve so we get back together. We both have flaws but when we’re together I think it’s so great, which is why I’m so lost and confused when after a couple of months he tells me he doesn’t think things are going well. I realize he probably sounds like a jerk, and he certainly isn't perfect, but he is really just a shy nice guy who doesn't have much experience with women.

Last semester we had a particularly hard breakup when he told me that he didn’t like me enough and that he met other girls at his college who were more interesting than I was. Things developed again though and we started dating, but we broke up a month ago. On the one hand, he tells me that he plans on pursuing another girl and talks about how he felt uncomfortable by how much I liked him, but then he will respond to my flirty jokes and talk about the things he liked in our relationship.

Obviously, my close friends don’t really like him and tell me to stop talking to him. To me our problem is due to communication since he won’t tell me when something is bothering him which leads to things building up. In some ways I feel like I really love him and do so much for him and that he will realize it at some point or another. I crave love and affection (from him specifically) but I don’t feel ready to pursue someone else, so I am stuck in a weird limbo. I’m only twenty but I feel like my soul has reached out to his and I just can’t let go. Is there anything I can do that would possibly salvage this? Any questions I should ask him, a period of time we should spend apart, etc. Thanks


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  • You can't really salvage your relationship since it only goes through lots of ups and downs. Also the fact the your best friend has been seeing other girls and just sees you as a last resort when everything's bad for him in the dating world, makes it look that he's just taking you for granted.

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