Am I the one who should say sorry about a broken promise that we both made?

Me and my crush made a promise together that if we finish college and graduate and have a stable job, I would marry her. We also promised together that no boyfriends or girlfriends yet. Just studies. I remembered those words we made. Then, during our Christmas party at school, I gave her a gift together with a note that reminds her of our promise. The next day, she sent me a message on Facebook saying that "If you can read this, I'm really sorry. About the promise, I've already forgotten about it. I think you should too. As they say, 'Promises are meant to be broken'. They also say, 'Nothing is permanent in this world'. I'm really sorry about it. But, I think the promise is broken between the two of us."

I replied, "If whoever in this world who told you promises are meant to be broken is a very stupid person. If you are thinking about breaking that promise, then break it yourself. I'm not quitting yet. I'll carry it as a burden. I'll open so that you will always be accepted. That promise, if it doesn't mean anything to you, then it means a lot to me."

After that, she hated me. She ignores me whenever we are at school. She doesn't even talk to me. Now I miss her . . . a lot, A WHOLE LOT. I want to talk to her the same way as we once did. Am I the one who should sorry about it?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Promises are not meant to be broken. That goes against the whole definition of promises. Promises are made so that people will keep their word. If everybody broke their promises, then nobody could trust anybody. What happened to honor? People used to make promises, and they followed up on it.

    You don't need to say sorry. You didn't do or say anything wrong. You shouldn't have said "stupid person" though, because it probably isn't something she was told. It was probably something she remembers. Also, because you consider the promise still intact, she feels the negative pressure that she can't date anyone else, otherwise she feels regret when she remembers the promise, and she doesn't like that you made her feel regret.

    I'm Chinese, and it is more traditional that I don't date until I finish college. Studies are important. Stable jobs are important. You can really see how committed someone is when you see their promise wavering. I know you miss her a lot, but if she doesn't feel that she can not date until college is finished, then no matter what you do, you won't be able to change her. I'm also Buddhist, and as the saying goes, everything is "impermanent". But that is a very wrong twist on things. We know everything is impermanent, but it is our intentions that matter. We can't just talk about impermanence and then hasten the process. Also, impermanence has nothing to do with relationships.

    Although you didn't do anything wrong, if you apologize, that might make her see the light of day. (She shouldn't have told you that over Facebook though. Also, could it have been someone else who logged on to her Facebook account and typed that in? If so, then she would know nothing about it and would think that you broke the promise. This is why face-to-face communication or phone communication is better sometimes.) I've found in my experience that apologies, no matter for what reason, are really moving. Even if apologies are not accepted, at least you tried (if you do apologize).

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What Girls Said 1

  • actually I think that it's her fault because she's the one who broked that promise and I think she's avoiding you so don't be sorry ! whatever it is she definitly regreted so give her a space and let her do what she likes and the time will fix every thing

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What Guys Said 5

  • Sorry, but that was a REALLY stupid promise to make. It's completely unreasonable to ask someone to not date ANYONE - especially at college.

    If you are interested in a relationship with her, I would talk to her about how you feel. But please know that I think your request is completely unreasonable. Why would you bother waiting for someone who isn't waiting for you? I think you need to move on and start living your life.

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  • Nobody puts dating on hold during college. Besides, people change and mature in college. I really don't even know where to start with this but no girl in their right mind would follow through with that promise!

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  • She is already having fun having sex, drinking and doing drugs with all her college friends. Maybe you better stay home with mama and Steve (Waterboy, water sucks, gatorade!)

    "...she showed me her boobies and I liked them too!"

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  • Reality is calling.

    u should only make a promise if you 'intend' to keep it. Yes it is allowed to break promises, look at your local, city or state and nation politicians.

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  • You shouldn't. She must be the one who must say sorry.

    She's the one who's willing to break your promise. You only stood upon your promise and tried to be firm in it. She seems to have a boyfriend who isn't you.

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