Need HELP- Ex slept over last night

Together 9 months, broke up two weeks ago. He initiated break up by saying his life is a mess and he needs to focus on getting his act together. He did this AFTER I wrote him a letter telling him after 9 months we need to decide where our relationship is going and what my expectations are for what I want. I admit it was a deep letter, but I needed to know where I stood. I just felt it was time to see if we were walking on the same road or not. He lives in NY and I live in NJ. His son lives in NJ and he comes to visit him and we would spend time together and go out when he came to NJ. After Hurricane Sandy he spent more and more time in NY because he got transferred up there because his other location in Atlantic City closed down for damages. Before Sandy we would see each other a lot more. After he broke up with me I NEVER texted or called or emailed. But...NO CONTACT FAILURE...I know I know...Please don't beat me up :( I have initiated no contact for 15 days and he has reached out three times. The third time he asked to see me and I agreed. We met up and as I thought everything fell back into place as before and the insane passion came back too. After watching a movie he turned to me and we started kissing and he was stroking my hair and looking into my eyes and he kept saying, "God I hate you. I just can't stand you." Then he would kiss me passionately and then open his eyes and stare at me again and repeat the phrase. I don't UNDERSTAND what he means by this. He left this morning and I told him I can't be his friend its too hard. It will always be like this if we continue falling back into our pattern. I can't let him have his cake and eat it too and I failed last night...miserably. My question is this, what do you think he meant when he said that to me?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are upsetting his current life arrangements...he also feels he's falling into a pattern with you that he can't maintain, and he's not obviously ready or a relationship with you.

    He 'hates' you because you don't 'fit his plans..'''

    It sounds like you are, after all, on the same page...walking the same road..toeing the same line...and many other cliché phrases.

    But you aren't in agreement on where you are going, are you?

    You have to decide if you are in earnest about breaking up..or not!

    Either ride this longer, or be cold and decided about really having 'no contact.' You failed because you had contact!

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What Guys Said 1

  • honestly in my opinion . a mind game . a ploy to make you feel good about you and bad for him. he saying he hates you as in you get to him...as a compliment . you make him "weak" that's what I think. but he doesn't really mean it AT ALL. its a play on your emotions to get you to sleep with him and its working hardcore. you find that statement intriguing and you give in to it

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What Girls Said 1

  • It means that he finds it hard to pull away from you and let you go. But telling you that he hates you is going a bit overboard, in my opinion... for me, telling someone that I hate/love them is a really serious thing. I just don't around saying it to anybody whenever I feel like it. But hey, that's just me.

    So as I said, he's having difficulties dealing with his emotions. He's torn between keeping in touch with you and letting you go. So I guess it was just a "passionate" way of turning his emotions into rather harsh words. But seriously, if I were you, I'd just stop thinking about it and him from now on. You broke up for a reason, so you should just keep it that way, at least until it all blows over.

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