Why won't he apologize & did I really owe him an apology?

My (now ex) boyfriend of 4years & I had a fight about his behavior with another girl. He was clearly in the wrong but refused to take any responsibility & in fact insisted that I owed him an apology. I admit that my way of communicating my displeasure with his actions was foul but so was his behavior. After a week of not speaking I called to apologize for my part of the argument but he was still angry, instructed me to view his Facebook profile (there was a post professing his warm feelings towards a new woman). Needless to say there was a huge fight and a lot of mud was slung. Throughout the argument we both expressed our love for each other but there was also name calling, blaming etc. there just seemed to be no resolution. We were arguing via text and he blocked all my contact (I was not harassing him-we were going back & forth), and we broke up. He picked up all of his belongings and brought back most of mine but there are a few things he outright refused to return. I have not attempted to contact him. I am just confused about his anger when I was the one betrayed and humiliated by his indiscretion (it was blatant)I know I said things to hurt him but I did apologize for my part. Even though we are not together I wish he would stop playing the victim & own up to his part of the conflict. Prior to breaking up we were together every day.
Thanks for the responses. He didn't cheat, just did something that made me uncomfortable & the way I confronted him made him feel accused. So I apologized for that but he didn't seem to accept any responsibility for his actions & turned everything around on me. I think the comment about him avoiding his own guilt & just not wanting to fix things is spot on.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He clearly doesn't want to fix things, and being upset with you, gives him an excuse to leave the relationship, while avoiding feeling guilty about his own behavior. It is a common tactic people use to excuse their own actions. I have seen lots of men, and women do this when they decide to end a relationship.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Yes, you did have to apologize with him during your first fight involving another girl.

    Now, it's really rude for him not to accept it and let bygones be bygones.

    Simply be happy that you're now away from him.


What Girls Said 1

  • He CHEATED on you and you apologized to him for being rude? You are a much better person than I am. I think.


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