I am constantly sad because I don't have someone in my life, and I probably give off the vibe that I am in public and that's why I haven't had a date in 6 months. I have had sex in tha time however, with a guy that I knew that's all he wanted but I was so desperate for some affection, not even the sex just watching a movie and cuddling..I got that for a couple hours and after that he tossed me like yesterdays garbage. But I have no one to blame but myself, he made it clear and I went for it anyway. This isn't the first time it has happened, but the last time he reaaaalllly made it seem like he was into me, almost to the point where we were about to be exclusive, and I foolishly enough slept with him on our 3rd date and after that he used me for sex and then moved on. I fell for him, and I mean hard. It was 7 months ago we ended things and I think about him every...single...day. He has a girlfriend now and it kills me. To the core I am hurt. I feel that this may be my karma for ending a two year relationship with my ex and feeling no remorse over it. But then again, my believe in karma is dwindling, since the guy I am so in love with treated me like that absolute worst way someone could is happily with someone and I am alone and suffering. It shows how low my self-esteem is because I am in love with someone that I knew was treating me withou respect, I allowed him to do it and that's why he did. I don't know what to do anymore, during the day I am fine I keep busy..but right before I go to bed I cry myself to sleep every night. My heart has been absolutely shattered for the past 7 months and I am starting to wonder if I will ever be able to pick up the pieces.
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Besides just being lonely, I think you are, as you suggested, feeling guilt about the way you treated your long term ex...and so you subsconsciously think you deserve being used by guys.
Stay away from guys until yuo are able to get over this feeling. Maybe a counseling session isin order here, since you may be acting out something from your cildhood.1THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE