Guys I need help...I'm so lost and could really use some outside perspective on my situation. I have been in a relationship for 4 years and we moved in together about a year and a half ago. We are very happy together and very much in love. I thought this was the man that I was going to marry and we openly talked of that. Well I recently found that my boyfriend had an account on an adult website and was exchanging sexual messages and photos with strangers. I confronted him and he was sincerely apologetic, crying, and embarrassed. We did not speak for several days and then had a heartfelt conversation where he explained he never wanted to physically interact with these women, he deleted his account, agreed to never do anything like that again and to work on building back my trust. I was heartbroken that he had done these things and it was very hard for me to look past it. He was treating me amazing and then I found that he had done the SAME THING again. He created another account and exchanged nude photos with women. I am devastated… I feel so betrayed and cannot understand why he would do this. He cried and begged me to forgive him, saying it looks way worse than it is. He is saying he made the biggest mistake of his life and wants to marry me. I don’t understand how you could feel that way but go behind my back and betray me. It is just on the internet but it still hurts me. And I also wonder what else it could have led to. I also SERIOUSLY question why he would do this twice in one week after having been so upset over thinking I would leave him? I love him but I feel like he has seriously crossed a line that I am not sure we can go back from. I want to know what guys think about this issue- Do a lot of males do these kinds of things? Is this cheating? How would you react in this situation? I feel so ridiculous and sad even typing this information out- I am smart girl with a good head on my shoulders and I would never tolerate a bad relationship… We have been crazy in love for years with a wonderful sexlife and we are best friends… I just don’t understand where this came from and I don’t know how to handle it.
It was more of a sexual chatting and pictures type thing than an emotional connection. But honestly, it is very scary and disgusting to me that he actually sent strangers nude photos of himself!
I am trying to decide whether or not it actually makes any difference to me if he physically interacted with these women or not; for me the intent to betray and seek out something outside of our relationship was still there. What is so confusing is that I have never seen any signs of any behavior like this the entire time we have been together and we live together. I have asked if he has an addiction and he seems appalled at the idea of that. He is so remorseful and swore on his life that he would never jeopardize us again. So why did you? Do these kinds of patterns begin out of nowhere? Will he really stop? These girls weren't even attractive?
Most Helpful Girl
That's pretty disheartening to hear and I have to preface this with I'm jaded I've been dating since I was 17 and every guy I've ever dated and having been in relationships myself I've never been happy for more than two years, after two years I start looking for new options. I have to say I have always had disfunctional relationships but well that's another story. Men are incredibly sexual creatures and the idea of complete fidelity is very difficult. I would say that maybe setting up ground rules if you can tolerate it would be the best thing you could do if you love this guy and you want to be with him then that's what you've got to do. The best you can hope for is that he deosn't send pictures to someone one of you know cause awkward. But really this is a very mild form for "infedelity" I honestly believe that most attractive men have sex outside their relationships on a regular basis unattractive men I think it is less common but if the opportunity arose I honestly don't think they would pass it up. I guess it really is person to person, the truth is that he's lying to you about what he's doing and that's not a good thing. My problem in relationships was that I never would lie and my boyfriends hated that I would tell them that I slept with someone else when we were broken up. They hated me for it, but I was always honest I promised not to lie when I got sober. I hate that people lie but people do it. You've got to decide what your priorities are you have to sit down and weigh the pros and cons and figure out if this is going to drive you crazy and also figure out if you are OK with this because you are the one who has to live with it no body else and no body can tell you what to do. I'm sending you the warmest wishes, the biggest hugs and lots of love from a single girl whose cheated (only to escape abusive relationships you tell them you slept with someone else they let you go FINALLY) and been cheated on over and over again. I don't believe in fidelity. I don't think it exists. Maybe you could get him to go to marriage counseling or if you active in a church they often do free counseling with the pastor or holy figure.0