Can a man love you and still choose his career over a future with you?

My boyfriend of one year and I just broke up today. I am 27 and this was my longest relationship. As you can imagine, I'm devastated. We initially dated for four months before I broke up with him because I felt he wasn't as serious as I felt we should be at that point, and after a month, we began talking again and I realized that he really did have strong feelings for me but his pride was hurt and he didn't want to look desperate about getting me back. Shortly after, we were back together and he told me he loved me. That day, he moved to another state for six months of training (border patrol), traveling back to see me every 2-3 weeks. He treated me like a princess and we talked about the future, including marriage, but when I asked him about what will happen to us when his training is over, he admitted that a couple of weeks ago he learned more about his future assignment and that for two years he will be moving pretty much nonstop. He said he couldn't give me what I want (typical, I know) but that he is still my best friend and wants to remain so. He said it would hurt if I dated someone else but that moving around with him isn't what's best for me. He said he wants me, yet he's chosen to follow this career path that will inevitably keep us apart, and keep him from ever settling down. I just lost my best friend, since I can't keep in touch with him for now because it hurts too much. Will he change his mind? Do you think that there may be hope for the future? Why would a man choose a career over being with the woman that "is the single most unique and wonderful person" and "will always have [his] heart"?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have had this happen to me and I am 27 too. My ex broke up with me because he was in school starting his doctorate and a mba...so he was getting too stressed out. He wanted to keep me happy, but I clearly wasn't from the lack of time he had for a relationship. It is def possible for a man to pick his career over woman he loves. My ex loved me a lot...i felt it. But, I have wasted the past 9 months crying over him. We've had a LOT of back and forth since then, and it has only let to more tears and heartbreak. It has not been easy I understand how much it sucks. Trust me, once you stop fighting it, and work on accepting it, you start slowly healing and feeling a lot better over the next few months. But, the first step is that you need to be strong and let it go. It doesn't matter if he comes back or not, because either way, your actions will be the same...which is to acept it as a final breakup, and let it go. The timing is wrong for you guys...there are other guys out there who will give you what you need. Good luck hun! :)

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What Guys Said 3

  • Look

    I would choose my career only in the case that the woman I am dating or my girlfriend is someone I can't trust , or flakey ... but frankly from what I read above.. I advice you to move on and don't look back.

    I know this hurts , but he had issues with being serious before. Remember? It is not teh first time you are uncertain about your future with him. You deserve someone who will commit to you properly.

    And I am sure you will find him my friend. :)

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  • Some guys, more so than women, just have more control over their emotions. I know plenty of guys who have broken up with girls they loved dearly, because they felt for some other reason (other than falling out of love) that its was in both of their best interests to do so. Many times a career can be good reason for that.

    Basically I think he knows that you would be unhappy and things wouldn't work out and as a result, he making the tough choice to call it quits.

    Trust me, making this kind of decision is never easy. I've seen guys lose sleep for months over such a decision, because they loved the girl so much it was hard to let her go.

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  • Some guys who are career driven would really choose their dreams over a single girl.

    He will change his mind if you stick with him through the years.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I met a lady who husband works a different construction project every 2 years and they moved 6 places in 12 years. It wasn't easy when she is home raising the kids and he is overworking.

    She had to sacrifice her career for his career. However, she sticked with him for 12 years and have a couple of wonderful kids. After that period of time, he founded a local company and she is able to follow her dream of starting her own business. However, as you see when two people really love each, they will sacrifice their comfort to be with each other. Are you willing to sacrifice your career for him?

    Are you going to be bitter if he comes home and say we are moving again? I know that age range 25 -29, you want to settle down but he can't give you that and he is unsure if you will handle being with him. Also he can always married a younger girl in his 30s - 40s to have kids but your chance goes down. You might have to make a decision or talk it out with him that you will be able to suffer with him and be there by his side or make the decision now to move on to someone who wants to settle down. You only dated for one year. That is really nothing when compare to being together and compromising for the next 60 years.

    Also there are couples who have a 7 years relationship or more than 50% marriage that broke up. Your situation is no different. Make a decision that you can live with but don't expect him to give you what you want if he can't (comfortable, stability, kids (if he is not ready financially)... Good luck.

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  • "Will he change his mind?"

    No. Forget this or you'll never move on. It's REALLY important. He's made his choice, and it's unfair to you to keep on wondering all the time if he'll ever change his mind. Take it was a true fact that this is done, over with, and that there is no possibility of ever getting back together. I see this as an unfortunate lack of maturity on his part, as he could've (as the right thing to do would've been, IMO) chosen not to date you any longer once he realized he wouldn't be right for you. People have expectations, and he knew yours in advance. I think he pushed his luck a bit too far, maybe hoping that you'd make more sacrifices than him to make it work. But the sure thing is that this isn't fair to you, and you should turn the page and move on.

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  • You two have different goals which don't go well together.. I guess you'd better go for someone who suits your needs better, it's good that it didn't take longer for you to realize that it's not working because now you made room for someone who does suit you.

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  • Ouch! That exactly how my relationship with my ex ended. He's a marine engineering and he had to choose his career over the relationship.

    I've let him go as we agreed to break up over the distance. It's all said and done so I've lost my best buddy.

    People come and go. Times change people change so uou just need to let it go and accept it the way it is.

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