How do I handle this break up? It hurts

me and my boyfriend were best friend before we started going out and just yesterday was our first year anyversary and he dumped me this morning.i don't even know how I feel,we work together and at my job we loft heavy stuff and he doesn't loke when I do it he tells me to do something else and I do sometimes but yesterday I was lifting heavy stuff and he told me to stop and I got mad and he broke up with me Because he said I don't care about myself and I don't listen to him...he was adopted because his mother couldn't have kids so he tginks the same would happen to me because I keep lifting heavy things but still I don't think that's a good excuse to break-up witj me,he was probably just done.i feel so empty right now...we work together ao how am I gonna handle this break up and how am I gonna get over him because we got to talk.please tell me what to do?
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Most Helpful Guy

  • When people invest time and energy into someone else, they expect to get something in return. I feel every relationship should be about an equal distribution of love. When the relationship comes to an end, especially if it's an abrupt one, there is the instant regret that your not going to get a return on your investment. During the relationship both of you have things that you did on a regular basis and now that it's over there are these empty spaces in the day that you had set aside. All this adds up to the elements of a relationship in addition to how much one has come to care about someone else.

    I feel the first step is to decide if you want him back. Keep in mind that the wound of a fresh breakup and the desire to not be alone is at it's strongest right now. The easy road would be to put time and energy into trying to save the relationship. The excuse he gave for breaking up seems a little weak to me and makes me think that there is more to it and he was just using any excuse he could. I feel this is an indication that it's not likely that the relationship could last even if you managed to get him back.

    If you choose to move on, then the first thing you have to do is admit to yourself that it's over. Then have yourself a good cry, maybe find a good friend to give you lots of hugs. The next step is to fill those empty spaces in the day with other things that are important to you. Do something during those times that you enjoy doing. I feel your happiness should never depend on someone else. Accept that it's going to take time to get back to normal. I've often been told that the time it takes to get over someone is equal to the time you were in the relationship. Remember, you had a life before this guy so get back to it.

    Every failed relationship we have in life is only a failure if you let it be. Once you have some distance you will be able to take a look back and see what about the relationship you liked and what about it you didn't. This means that the next time you find someone you like, you will have a better understanding of what makes you happy and this can make the next relationship even better. That is the last step. Don't lose hope. If you learned something about yourself then you can hold onto the hope that the next one will be even better.

    • I do want him back but I don't want him to think I'm do I make him get back with me.

    • Based on the information in your question, I doubt he will get back with you unless you promise to do everything he tells you to. Even then I couldn't say for sure. You could try treating him the same way you did when you guys were just friends and give him a chance to see what he's missing. Generally guys like the chase, so make him "chase" you. Personally, I think long and hard before I end a relationship because once I end it, it's over permanently for me.

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What Guys Said 12

  • Coming right off a breakup is the hardest part. You're feeling the harsh backlash of his rejection. Keep in mind that these intense emotions level off, as you learn to accept that it is over. As your emotions calm and you get a little more objective, you're going to start seeing why it is for the best.

    Think about how demanding it is for a coworker to insist you stop doing your job duties because of the way it makes him feel.

    You're working with someone you're dating, and that's going to cause moments like you experienced when he broke up. He supposedly dumped you because of how doing your job could affect your reproductive abilities. Think about that. It's absurd.

    A healthy woman is a fit one. Lifting things isn't going to keep you from being fertile. Probably make your pregnancy healthier, if anything.

    So imagine as if there were another reality in which you two were together, and didn't work at the same place. Don't you think he'd probably come up with some other odd excuse to break up?

    Men are out of touch with their emotions, for the most part. We can make decisions based off of random crap that way. Emotional immaturity is the cause of a lot of heartache for young men and the women involved with them. These things happen. For you, it just did. So it's going to be hard to hear things like "cheer up and move on," but that's what you need to do.

    Right after a breakup you need to be selfish. Think of your own life without him in it and what is the best move for you to make as an individual, on your own. Whether it means thinking about what you want to do for the next five years of your life, career wise, or what color you'd like to paint your apartment, handling a breakup works best when you're concentrating on improving some other aspect of your own life.

  • First off if he is getting mad over something super small, he is looking for an excuse to end it. You are in a tough spot that you work with him and I hope you will learn not to date co-workers for this reason. You might want to think about changing jobs, that will make the break up easier on you but if you can't change that then you need to keep it professional. Only talk to him about work and that's it! If he is being an ass, let him. You need to keep your cool at work but if you need to explode then go for a walk on your lunch and scream if needed. Remember Negative energy attract Negative Energy.. So be positive as best you can, smile, laugh and joke with

    OK know focus on yourself, do things that make you happy, hang out with family/friends after work, the less time you have to be alone thinking the better you will feel BUT you do need to cry and get it out of your system, Call your best friend and bash guys... It might get you laughing and help in the process. Also time will help, each day gets better and better. I hope that some of this helps, I have been in this situation and know how your feeling. Take care.

  • You can't reason with unreasonable people..

    If he truly cares for you as much as he made this out, he will want you back. But, that's a big "IF"

    Otherwise, it does sound like a complete BS excuse...

    If he is this fragile, it was doomed from the start... he's a control freak..!

  • this is rather weird. clearly the lifting stuff was just an excuse to break up and there were probably other issues that really led to the break up.

    just take things day by day, hour by hour. Remember that you are young and you WILL meet other people. This guy isn't the only one out there and quicker you realize the quicker you realize that the quicker you'll understand that while it sucks goign through a break up it isn't the end of the world and it doesn't doom you to a life of loneliness

    • was an excuse but its ok,thank you for the advice highly appreciated.

    • sorry for the typos

  • He sounds like he's got some real issues :\ I have no idea how to help with this situation. I guess, just, focus on yourself. Do what you can to make yourself feel good (that you won't regret later) and things you would wanna improve about yourself.

    • But how do I get over him,I mean it will be very hard especially when we work together..

    • Well, for a bit you're gonna need to distance yourself. Avoid him at work best you can. But eventually it might be best trying to actually talk with him again and have real closure. I mean, come on, that's such a bullsh*t reason. There must be more to it or he was way too immature and you're better off.

  • I know how you feel I been through a lot worst , talk to someone about , I'd be happy to help you and talk things out . It worked for me when my Girlfriend cheated on me

    • Can you please...i don't have anybody I could talk to about this.

    • Add me or message me , I know how you feal . I had to deal with a girl cheating on me that hurt real bad . I'd love to help you .

  • That was a B.S. just have to get over it basically.

    • That's my problem how do you get over someone who you love,work with,that's your friend.

    • If you still love him after he's dumped you than you need to look interally as to why you like men who have to problem casting you aside. This is more about you workin gon yourself than getting over any guy.

  • I would talk to him.. I think he broke it off because he was concerned about you.

    • We did talk...and if you care about someone you talk about it not break up with them,you talk and get past it.

  • Add me will talk !

  • Lol why is this a poll?

    • Sorry...i was using my phone and I'm not used it girlsaskguys lol...dont know how it work.

      But you didn't answer my question?

  • 1. quit your job

    2.get rid of his sh*t

    3. cry cry and cry more, and talk to someone intelligent, in real life not on this website.

    4. go out with your gfs

    5. do fun things watch fun movies

    6. let time do the work

    7. voila

    8. breaking up from a dumb reason means he's a pretty dumb guy

    9. learn a lesson, never date people from work. best friends are okay but not when you see each other too much

  • What.

    • Huh?

    • At first I was confused about the overabundance of capital letters, but now I'm just surprised about what happened. I'm fairly certain you don't just break out with someone out of the blue for "being mad about being told not to lift heavy things". Are you sure there was no precedent to this?

      Anyhow, that really sucks. I don't know why people choose anniversaries, Christmas and birthdays for breaking up. That's just cruel.

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