I think my boyfriend is completely sick of me

My partner and I have been together since September 2009, so 3.5 years.

Anyway.. At the start of the relationship he would get so worried whenever I cried and he would rock me like a baby until I stopped. It was so nice and I admit that I did take it for granted. :(

In 2011 I got sick with cancer and he helped me through all that so I know that he loves and cares about me, that's not what I'm worried about.

Things have gotten tough with my home life and lately I've been feeling really depressed and when I feel this way I have trouble doing anything (like getting out of bed etc..) and this annoys him, he doesn't understand it.

All my stuff is at my mum and dad's house and mum hates me so I sleep at his house and go home during the day so I can collect mail and get to the shops (his house is out of town and I don't drive)

He left today for a 2 night bachelor party with his friends and we had a huge argument because I'd organised a weekend for him and I next weekend that he rejected, saying he didn't want it to be an entire weekend affair and also because he asked me to pack his bag, which I did, with extreme care today (having to pull apart my room and put it back together also to find his stuff) and while he was on his way to get said bag he called to ask me to put a couple more things in there so I had to pull apart my room again. Which really stressed me out so when he got there I was crying and shaking because I couldn't find the things he wanted so he got really annoyed and said next time he would do it himself if I can't handle it. -.-'

Anyway so I calmed myself down so he could get to his house to have a shower and leave and when we got there I put his clothes (I'd washed and hung up at 6am for him) into the dryer so they'd be warm and dry and I told him a story while we were walking to get them together and I wasn't finished and he said "hurry up" so I stopped my story and got him his clothes and he wondered why I was upset which started another fight...

Which is all my fault because I'd told him I was okay with him leaving, which means it's not okay for me to feel a little delicate that he's leaving me to sleep on the floor at his lovely families house while he goes to a bachelor party with his irresponsible friends because I told him I wasn't upset about that, I was upset about him wanting to spend all weekend with them and then not wanting to spend a weekend f***ing in a hotel room with me (excuse my language)

So yeah and in all of this he was mocking me, smirking at me and telling me I'm making it about me because I got upset about a stupid story I'd already told him. (I'm not joking about this, my memory is shocking since chemo)

So am I making it about me? Am I being stupid? Should I be okay with all of this? How can I make him be loving and caring again. I feel heart broken every single time something like this happens because I can't defend myself because I can't remember what I wanted to say or why I was so upset.

Anon guy, where did you see that I have become ultra high maintenance? I'm exactly the same as I've always been, only my hair's shorter and my memory isn't as good!

It's not too far gone cause we adore each other and we have a kitten together! ahah. But how can I make him feel like I need him to look after me like he used to!? I miss it!

Thanks Cheshire cat and greenfish! I have to call my therapist again. :) I think that's a wonderful idea, he loves it when I put notes in his lunch!
Thanks PhilaPen, It's not random though. I carefully packed his bag and at the very last minute I had to completely ruin my clean room to search for something he hadn't asked for until then. Ugh. I know what you mean though. I'm hard to deal with but it really would help if he tried to be nicer. I don't think being late is a very good excuse at all.

Thanks Stubbsy, that's very kind of you. :) I'll have to write things down as I go to show him later cause I'll forget all my points. :P x
Thanks answerer? aha :) That's really kind. I would hug you back. ^_^


Most Helpful Girl

  • Being sick and depressed and being in a relationship is so hard. I have a genetic condition and have all kinds of issues, so I actually have been there. After over 5 years of being in a relationship similar to yours I realized that it was dysfunctional and codependent. Because I felt I couldn't manage on my own I clung to him. My clinging caused him to have some wild behavior, which in the end hurt me. Being in counseling and working on creating a support group can really help improve mood, help self esteem, and might reduce stress from your relationship (or at least give you more perspective on it), that was at least my experience. Hope that helps a little at least.

    • I just wanted to say, having a foggy idea what you are going through, I really just want to give you a hug. I felt that's one of the things that I needed the most. Please be kind to yourself.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I've been threw depression and looking back many people just don't understand it unless they go threw it themselves. You probably could write him a letter and put it in his bag next time he leaves for somewhere saying how you feel and that you love him and are thankful for him being there for you. Anyways that's my idea hope its useful. :)

  • You need to explain to you find some things hard since chemo, especially without his help like before, because he may think everything is OK but needs that reality check that you have not long recovered from cancer, and everything is not OK, you still suffer somewhat, and now that you don't have his help as much as before when you did have cancer, you are finding it hard to adjust, and explain that you think this is why your both argueing more, and that you want to try harder, but somedays it seems to hard, and others, your so excited, ie about the weekend with you, but then he puts a downer on it by not wanting that. Because he may need to realize that you still need more of his attention than normal, although he still needs his time, he should still show you the attention you need, so you have a right to be upset about all this, but I don't think its as bad as it seems, and nothing a good one to one couldn't help out with,x. Good luck and well done in beating your illness,x

  • I feel really bad for you cancer and depression. I wish you the best and hope you make a full recovery. But it's obviously that dating you is a whole lot of drama and over time that kinda drains a person emotionally. My guess is that he feels like he is trapped and can't really leave yuo when you've been sick. But the guy may need to take a break from you. The random crying and shaking would just drive me insane if I were in his shoes. I think that he's mentally spent and he's generally annoyed with you. Maybe you should lean on him a little bit less and give him some space. Definitely don't question his decisions to have a little bit of time away from the drama of being with you...especially since it is his friend's bachelor party.

    I don't wish to sound like a jerk because my heart goes out to you for all you've been through. But I've been there is a depressed girl who had other complications. It's sucks the life out of you over time.

  • You have become ultra high maintenance. And he's not happy with this.

    I doubt anyone else will tell you this... but the fault is yours, and you would have to change.. but honestly I think it's too far gone for you to fix this.


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