She dumped me... and now she stares at me... um....... what?

My ex and I met not this past October, but the year before, fall 2011. We go to the same college. When we met, we instantaneously became close friends, and about a month and a half later decided to make our relationship official.

During the course of the relationship, there were tense moments, times she'd get pissed, but end up feeling guilty about fighting [and nothing inherently bad about arguments in a relationship as far as I am concerned], but other than that it was great - no dishonesty, no cheating on either side. She was instantaneously accepted into my family, as was I into hers. We spent holidays, birthdays together, we did things together on weekends, and spent large amounts of time together during the days. We also Skyped anywhere from an hour and a half to 4+ hours almost every day, closer to the middle-higher side of that time/length range.

Eventually in the circle of friends a guy joins - and she gets a crush. Eventually, much as either of us tried to avoid it, and to the shock of my other friends, it became what some could reasonably say is an obsession. At times, however, it seemed like she fluxuated, like going Jekyll-and-Hyde, from checking him out, and kinda fantasizing? to being back to the girl I knew, was ating - mainly triggered when she saw that it was upsetting her. Eventually thse feeings got strong enough to put stress on things - on herself, conflicts and all, and myself - but that was moreso the last few weeks before things went bad.

This past fall, she left me for this other guy. Basically, what happened is she left me for what she thinks is greener grass. Of course time will tell if that is true [it being greener/better] or not. Naturally, I did make the mistakes that a lot of people make after a break up, but since late, late February I've been completely no contact.

On my way to/from classes I have to pass by her [locations of classes, where I have to go to catch a bus, and trying to avoid getting mauled by nesting Canada geese, etc]. Now, up until a bit of time ago, probably 5 weeks ago, she maybe glanced at me at most. Now whenever I pass by her, she does one of the following:

1. Stops and stares at me close by

2. Keeps walking, sometimes looking at me, other times skying away, turning to avoid making eye contact, and then stares at me from a distance [often, if not always, continuing to walk, then turning around and staring again].

3. A combination of one and 2.

This has been going on for almost a month, EVERY TIME we pass by each other [which might be 2 - 3 times on those days - purely due to the necessity of taking those routes - locations of classes, where I have to go to catch a bus, and trying to avoid getting mauled by nesting Canada geese, etc]

My question is... why?

What is going on here? Or rather, what is possibly going on?
Forgot to add: Though she had flirted with a guy before we met, and got shot down, and although I tried to have a long distance relationship with a fiend from high school for two years previously that fell apart due to our being physically apart, we were really the first REAL, quazi-successful-until-she-did-this relationship either of us had, did a lot of things together - a lot of firsts.
Oh, and after she broke it off with me, she cut off AL communication with me, and that night went into a relationship officially with this person.


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What Girls Said 1

  • I think she is just curious about how you're coping. Be the happiest and most outgoing you can be and be polite/distant in return, I'd say. If she misses you, she'll come up to you, dw. Until then, assume she doesn't.

    • The funny thing about that is, she does tend to bottle up feelings a lot - and it could be possible she still is about all this given a conversation we had before the Christmas break, and has a hard time with talking about things bothering her - and especially when it involves her hurting people in ways that she feels horrible about later on, when she realizes she had actually done so. So her talking, if it happens at all, may take some time if it even happens at all.

    • * but she is very conscientious about how she treats others, even if she doesn't verbally show it well.

      Funny thing is, we're both aspergers, and ADD, and share an incredible amount of the same behavioral quirks, tendencies, habits as the other, and express them exactly the same way - which makes analyzing her behavior a little easier on my part [and as a result, easier to understand myself and improve upon myself too]

What Guys Said 1

  • One of the cool things about dating compared to being married is that if you discover that the other is a flake, it's easy to shake them off. She knows she had something good with you and is maybe trying to make it easy for you to approach her but forget that - she's the one that blew you off, if she was even somewhat emotionally mature she'd apologize and try to handle this like an adult rather than this silly semi-stalking.

    I'd recommend you give her a year or two apart at least, maybe she'll grow up and the good things you had together won't be overshadowed by her fickleness.

    Tennis rackets don't look like a weapon, especially on college campuses, and they wreak havoc on geese. Pretend that head is a ball, don't put too much muscle into it and send it into the net - the racket strings soften the blow. If they get really nasty, turn the racket sideways and that long neck becomes an easy target. You don't have to hit them too hard (unless you're looking for Christmas dinner) and they will remember who you are and give you more respect next time. Don't back down from them and they'll hiss and run.


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