Blind sided after a 5 year relationship. Not sure what to think? Would appreciate some input from men plz!

Hi I would like some advice. I went out with a guy for five years and broke up a twice. I am 26 and he is 28. He broke up with me both times and came back. The second time we started dating our relationship seemed amazing. The first time, it was good, but we were much younger and immature. We dated for a year before this break up. A few months after we got back together this last time he started to talk abut marriage. we went to look at houses together, he called me everyday and sent me sweet text messages, we were best friends. Then out of the blue, about a month ago he told me he was very scared and didn't know if I was the one. He said he loved me crying his eyes out and recognized he was a coward and left. He also mentioned how his family wanted him with a more religious girl. I couldn't believe it. I never got any closure. He disappeared and have not spoken since. Can someone please tell me how to handle this? and also what may have happened? and is all hope lost?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Dear I'm so sorry to hear about what happened, you didn't deserve to have that happen to you.

    Guys do things for weird reasons. We are filled with conflicting emotions and loyalties and base desires. One minute we can be paradigms of virtue, the next a complete idiot. It sounds like your guy just wasn't mature enough to handle marriage, which was the logical next step for a couple your age. I think in his own limited way he did love you, but that he ran off after mom and dad put pressure on him to marry Sunday School Sally shows that he wasn't ready to be a husband.

    Men don't emotionally mature as fast as women do. We may be bigger, stronger, and faster but most young year old men are barely capable of handling relationship issues. I myself was put to the test a year ago when I told my parents I was engaged to an Asian women, they came up with a thousand reasons why this shouldn't happen and how much I'd regret it and I must admit, they almost talked me out of it but I stood my ground and feel better for it. We still get along great and they'll either accept her or they won't but regardless I'm happier than I would have been if I had caved. Your guy is still tied to mom's apron strings and probably wouldn't have made a great husband to you anyway.

    Closure is a luxury that not all that many people get. Clean endings to relationships, beloved persons dying unexpectedly, pride preventing people from saying what they should, I wish I could tell you a good way to get what you need from him but I would guess he just doesn't have it in him.

    Telling you that things will get better won't make you feel any better right now, I wish I had the right words but I don't. I can tell you that it gets easier every month, you'll be a wreck for a few, then you'll notice yourself starting to pull out of it. It wouldn't be a terrible idea to talk to a councilor, United Way can refer you to one you can afford - they can surely give you better advice than some idiot on the internet could. ;)

    Use what you've learned and get a good feel for how attached to someone's parents a guy is before you get serious again.

    • Thanks for writing me back! its so nice to hear someone else's perspective. I am so glad that you stood up for your lady! Thank God there are some decent men left. I am wondering..what should I do if he comes back in the picture? He has in the past..should I consider another chance? I also don't want to be used again. Do you perceive it was just immaturity or did he not love me. we were so compatible and I am not the type to lie to myself..I have a feeling he will come back..any suggestions?

    • I have a friend that is a police Captain. We get along great but whenever I'm around him I always remember something he told me years ago: "trust but verify". That may sound a bit like an oxymoron but you have a good reason to do so. Tell him you'd like to see his parents again. I can understand why he might be a little hesitant but if he refuses then you know mom still has him. I only have 100 chars left, I'll continue...

    • I think he did love you in a juvenile way, it is clear you loved him as a grown woman. Don't waste time waiting, make yourself available, but if you run into him and give him another chance, put the burden of proof on his shoulders. If you are not wearing an engagement ring within 90 days then he is a lost cause. Don't want to wait until you're 40 to have children, give someone else a chance. I knew what I wanted and moved like a shark - expect no less from someone who really loves you.

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