How would a man feel if he did not want kids but his ex had his?

My boyfriend and I had recently split up after living together for a year. He was a big part of both mine and my sons life. He decided the family life was not for him and it was better he move on. I did have a hard time with this as he told me he still loved me and he had to make a choice. I told him if he did not want to be here, he would not be happy and it was harder not knowing if he was going to stay or if and when he was going to go. I want more then anything for him to be happy and wish it was with us. Soon after he had left, I found out I was pregnant. When I told him, he said it would be a bad idea to have a baby considering we are not together and it was not going to bring him back to me. I never did think it would as it was the main reason (so he said) why he left. In may ways I feel if I keep the baby, he will hate and recent me for it but how many men get over it and step up to take responsibility? How many take responsibility but resent the mothers choice?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey

    Im sorry you are going through this and I can just imagine how difficult it is for you.

    I think God Blessed you with the child and its really up to you wht you decide to do...but think it through really well, what kind of a man do you know him to be? Is he kind and compassionate? caring and considerate?

    I think perhaps if you keep the child he might come to his senses and decide he wants to settle. Maybe he is just scared that having a baby (again) will just change life completely since the first one changed alot.

    As a man, its in his nature to want to guid and protect his home, I think that maybe you should also ask his mother (If you two have a good relationship) or his sister or something, maybe they might be able to shed some light. Personally, I think you should keep the baby if you can afford to have a second one on your own... and when he sees how happy you are (Make sure your always looking happy and glowing) he might want to come back and be a part of your lives.

    Best of Luck Hun, Let me know how it goes :-)

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What Guys Said 4

  • I'm way too inexperienced for this, but I'll try answering anyway.

    I guess if you want to have the baby, you should. I'm not too sure about how he'd feel about you going through with having it though. He might like many other people, cut off all contact with you and never be a part of your life but I guess it's something you'll have to be ready for and it'll be quite difficult to raise a kid on your own without being able lean on your spouse for support. You'll have to risk him not coming back.

    It'll be hectic, time-consuming, stressful and the list goes on.

    Having a kid is a deal breaker for many men, because we are weird-ed out with the thought of having to raise someone else's child with the one we love. Then again, these are only extreme cases and more often than not, people are willing to give it a go with people even if they have kids and they work out just fine too. It might take you awhile to find a guy who is understanding and cares for you despite your situation and not judge you for it.

    BUT, that's just the tip of the iceberg! Parenting is known to bring great joy to mothers and even though the entire process is so stressful, at the end of the day, it'll leave you happier than ever and make you feel like the entire process is worth it but only if you're actually ready to have a kid.

    Think your decision through! Are you SURE you want to have a child right now? Can you afford it? Are you sure having a kid won't affect your career aspirations?

    If this is simply you're way of trying to get him back with no real intention of having the kid, do the guy, yourself and your unborn kid a favour and re-think your decision.

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  • It sucks because I wrote a long comment for this and it didn't save! To sum it up quick though...you're a parent do what's in their best interest so they can have a better life guide them with advice so they don't make the same mistakes you made! If he leaves his lost because kids are a blessing! You can do it you can do anything you set your mind to..if you believe you can achieve :) good luck to you and God bless you and your family:)

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  • Hello.

    In my opinion, I don't think he'll come back, even if you're pregnant. Especially if he left because he's not ready for the family life. And whether you should keep the baby or not is up to you. You seem like a strong woman and I'm sure you can raise it.

    Hope this helps.

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    • Thanks. I have raised one on my own till him, I'm sure I can another. It's just not as easy as 2 but would be worth it :)

  • K well I'm also inexperienced in this but I will try and put myself in those shoes for you.

    First off, I would get rid of it. A child growing up without a father or mother, is missing the other half of the pie. Get what I mean?

    It has nothing with making him step upto the plate and take care of his responsibility. The laws have formed it so males get screwed over, where your just doing this now to screw him. When at the end of the day, you shouldn't have any "strings" attached to him. Since he doesn't want to be with you.

    I would get rid of it. I know it sounds harsh, and I'm sorry to say, but before the first 3 months. That baby has no heart beat inside of you. So I would think very wisely.

    Do you really want a child to grow up not knowing his father and to just have arguments with you all the time you try to contact him? Or it could be worse, and he could just disappear off the planet of the earth and you could never find him again. I would disregard this big role your trying to take, because I don't believe it is wise. But I do believe that you will meet someone who will stay with you forever and you will have beautiful children with and a huge family with.

    If this is a reason to have a kid, because your feeling alone and you believe this will fix your problem of being alone, then it wont. You need to learn to love yourself first.

    If you believe that having this kid will bring him back. It wont. It will probably drive him farther.

    How many months along are you? I would really think of this. You will be a single parent after you have this, will you be ready to take on all the hustle and bustle of parenting? Are you well equipped financially for this? Have you thought out your daily tasks that you will need to acomplish making sure that the child grows up in a secure home? There is a lot of thought and planning that goes behind having a child. Its not like taking care of a dog. Well kinda, but they are a lot more easier.

    Do please think about think about this before creating footprint.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Don't get rid of a baby's life just because you are having problems with a man that isn't going to come back, you have to live with the choices you make, it's not the child's fault you two are having problems, so please don't even think of getting rid of it. Do the right thing and as for the man, a baby isn't going to bring him back, BUT it might be different this time since this is HIS child and not another man's. Good luck with everything.

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  • Please keep this baby. The heart starts beating 5 weeks after conception. You already have a son, so you know the joy in bringing a new life into the world. Taking away that life and all its potential... I can't imagine doing that. And I would never date a guy who thought that was okay.

    If he's a good man, he'll step up and take responsibility, because the life of the child is more important than what he had planned for himself. If he's not, then you don't need him around your baby anyway. The very least he can do is help you with the finances. It is his baby, after all.

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  • Thought the baby is both of yours, I don't think he should tell you in the first place to give up on your child when he already left you. I don't think he's going to come back, but it's your choice what you want to do with your baby. Maybe you'll decide to keep him/her and though it may be hard, the end results may turn out great. There's one million trillian people out there. I'm sure that some day, you will find a man who respects your choices and also wants to take care of the child with you. If you want to give up though, that's your choice. But know that either way, he's not coming back, so the only decision you can make right now is if you want to raise your child, give it up for adoption, or abortion. He's not part of your life anymore, and you have to accept that and move on. In time, you will find someone better than him who will have a bigger heart than your ex. Don't give up on love.

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