I dated this girl (mid 20s) for a month and we got along well. We were holding hands, she was resting her head on her shoulders, telling her friends/mom about me, etc. After a month, the wave of emotion/interest died considerably. She became more distant and much less affectionate. We kissed at one point but she claimed there was no "spark". We argued and stopped being friends for a while. Eventually, we reconciled but are no longer dating. Anyhow, one night, she msged me twice looking to see where I was. I didn’t reply. It turns out she went out with this guy she met and was interested in but the whole thing crashed and burned. She didn't like the guy and he was touchy-feely. Well, we make plans to hang out that weekend. We cook together, dance together, and I give her a foot massage over at her place. She tells me to let her know when I get home. When I do so, says thank you for everything and that she was hoping I would stay with her overnight. I knocked out and didn't see the text until the next morning. By that time, she sent another text saying she wants to take back what she said because she was "half asleep”. Anyhow, she hits me up 2 days later and said how she would want to spend the night together that night instead of driving home tired. She even asks if I still have feelings for her and I tell her yes. Yet, she then tells me she doesn't want to hurt me. She tells me that the important thing to her is our friendship. I asked her about the sleepover today and she says it's crossed her mind at times but she feels it's not the best idea because she doesn't want to "magnify my feelings". She says feelings complicates things in a negative way. She says she is a clam and at times will open up and relax even though she is closed in her natural state. She said if she does something, she wouldn't be comfortable with the idea later...then she tells me that she is complicated and doesn't want to hurt me. one day I commented her and told her how sexy she looked and how I liked her beautiful eyes and lovely smile...she ignored my comment. The next wknd, we have dinner at her house. In the phone call leading up to our plans, she stated that I was a 'close friend' and she needed to talk to her friend about things she can't with a close friend. At one point, she says " she doesn't dig me". Yet, when we get to the theatre hold hands in the car when we were talking about something. Inside the theatre, we are holding hands (fingers intertwined) while we order food before the movie start. At the end of the night, I go to drop her off. We talk and she plays for with her hair for a sec before asking me to walk her to her door. I walk her inside, I kiss her on the cheek and we hug before I head out. Does it sound like she has feelings for me at all? by the way, she has said she had a really bad breakup (5 years ago but apparently she still hasn’t healed) and doesn’t want to be ‘in that position’ again (depressed).
Most Helpful Girl
She's using you for your affections. Basically, you are giving her the boyfriend experience without the emotional liability. If you are looking for a relationship with this girl, I say run!
She has emotional baggage. Not that you can't overcome something like this in normal circumstances, but it's clear she is not ready to be in a relationship. She liked this other guy, and when things fell through, she came running back to you to get what she wanted. And she has admitted that she is not over a relationship that ENDED 5 YEARS AGO! :S Big red flag!
Maybe this other guy saw what you are missing. This girl sounds like trouble. She needs to work out her issues before she dates again. Perhaps part of her problem is that she is chasing affections from guys without dealing with her issues. This prevents her from moving on entirely.
Someone once told me that you need to be okay single before you are able to date someone. I think that really resonates with this situation. She obviously has a hard time being alone. She needs the affection. But she is afraid to deal with the emotional issues that are haunting her from her past relationships.
I think you need to move on. She has already told you that she doesn't want to hurt your friendship. She sees you as a friend. That's the problem, and I personally would just let her go.
Find a girl who wants to be with you. There are plenty out there :) And you deserve to have someone feel for you what you feel for them.
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