Is anyone paranoid about marriage because of the high divorce rate?

In my opinion, it's annoying to see people say "I don't want to get married! See how high the divorce rate is?!" while never mentioning the factors that result in half of all marriages failing.

1. DIVORCE IS EASY. It could possible half of married couples were stuck in miserable relationships back in the day.

2. People don't understand the huge differences in dating and marriage. (ie kids, money, stuck with for life)

And I don't think people understand 50% Divorce rate =/= 99.9999999% Divorce rate.

  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Did you know the QUALITY of marriage is through the roof?

    The reason divorce rates are high is because we aren't as strict about shaming divorce, and women aren't, or shouldn't be, dependent on men for income.

    Remember, women initiate the vast majority of divorces. 70% I believe. Probably because men are expected to handle anything thrown at them. "take it like a man". So he's less likely to initiate, because that's seen as a reflection of his own incompetence and failure, even when it could simply be two incompatible people who were a little too eager to jump ship.

    Back in the day, however, the marriage would continue, even if it crumbled. Perhaps he becomes more reserved while she tries harder and harder to illicit a response. Then with little outlet to talk about his internal problems, he cracks and becomes abusive, and she has little other place to go since she is dependent on him for income. Or perhaps she develops Stockholm Syndrome, or similarly, "Beauty and the Beast" complex.

    While she may or may not have initiated it, you still shouldn't hang around an abusive partner. To be fair, it's also important to remember that domestic abuse is considered to be basically 50/50 between men and women, it's just that men are more likely to internalize it, since he's supposed to "handle it". And when he finally snaps and becomes violent back, she ends up reporting him.

    Either way, this marriage would end if it were nowadays. Back then, this abusive relationship would persist by societal and religious pressures.

    So the divorce rate has shot up because people hold marriage to a higher standard, and are more free to end it. It's unfortunate things don't last like they used to, but it's probably for the better. The more we learn about humanity, the more we learn we aren't built to be bound under contract for life. It's exceptional and good if you can do so, but it isn't in our natural predisposition.

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What Guys Said 7

  • Not really, no. Because I'm not going to rush into marriage with someone I'm not 100% sure I'm happy with and I'm not 100% sure is happy with me. I take things slow so there's either going to be a break up before marriage or good successful marriage. It takes a lot of work, no doubt, but I'm not a quitter and whoever I end up with won't be either. I'll make sure of it. To hell with the cowardly women that run away when things get tough. Sick of meeting them in life (seems to be all I meet :|)

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  • If you believe that divorce is a simple way out of a challenging marriage, then you will always be paranoid of marriage. Marriage is effort. It is hard work and sacrifice by both parties. Marriage is a bond between not just 2 people but between 2 families. If you don't understand that and respect that, you will always be paranoid.

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  • Whether or not people want to get married, I don't mind, because that is their decision. It wouldn't be right to judge them for their choices.

    Statistics don't prove anything. If people go into marriage already thinking about divorce, then it is likely that their fear might cause the couple to think that the relationship won't last long, and so might eventually lead to divorce.

    It's just that so many people nowadays are not committed. People are not as gentlemanly or ladylike as they used to be back then. Back then, divorce was less common, because people liked the close family unit. Nobody divorced anybody.

    I chose A, because your question was asking whether or not anyone thought that way. I don't think that way, but there are definitely people out there that think that marriage is not their choice. Actually, not all of them are worried about the divorce rate. Some of them just choose to stay single, because of preference, previous bad relationships, etc.

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    • I actually don't like explaining what I feel but the website won't let me post anything without details.

    • More people are likely to answer your question and not pick small details if you do explain. Explaining makes your argument a lot more convincing, and, if done with lots of facts, data, statistics, and objectivity, you might even be able to convince others.

  • Most women marry men who make more money than them. Just nature--women want guys taller, stronger, a little older, and has some money. Just like how guys want slim hot girls.

    Courts just gut men in most middle class divorces.

    Marriage is truly a fraudulent contract. The woman basically pledges to be a good lover to the man, be faithful, maybe have his kids and be a family. The man basically pledges to take care of the woman, watch out for her, be a good husband.

    When divorce happens--the woman gets alimony, gets custody of the kids 90% of the time, etc. She is not bound any further to the man, but the man is bound to pay her money and provide for her, regardless of if they had kids or not.

    That strike you as fair?

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    • Oh goodness the typical whiner that think 'all women are gold diggers who want to take my money!' argument? Let's get something clear, because your love life sucks doesn't mean everyone else's does. If you keep dating gold diggers, then YOU don't get married, it's that simple.

    • Show All
    • "Given that American women have aborted the population of Spain since Roe v Wade, I don't think it's the men that can't handle their responsibilities."

      Then I suggest you adopt that quantity of children since you think you can do better. Go on. Be like Kate plus 8, instead even multiply by tenfolds. I doubt you would.

    • I'm already doing better. I'm not being an idiot and making kids than I'm going to pay to have butchered. Why can't women man up and be responsible if they're going to have sex? If you can't handle the possible results, don't have sex. Men are told, "Hey, you knocked a girl up? You're gonna have to be responsible, support your kid. Shouldn't have had sex if you couldn't deal with it."

      Women need to start acting like men, and be responsible adults.

  • I don't think there's any point in (government) marriage.

    "Baby, I love you so much that I want to make this relationship a three-way with the government..." said no logical person ever!

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    • I think marraige is a bet society places with love. "I'll bet we'll stay together 'til one of us dies! If not, let's go through an extremely stress break up!"

    • While this is pretty accurate, marriage is like a ring. You can get rid of it at any time and while it might not mean much to some people, its a symbol of your love. A promise. Imagine marrying someone without a ring. For me personally, it's more of the idea that you are committing to each other forever not the actual document for the government. Sadly, the meaning of a marriage has changed.

  • There is almost no difference in dating and marriage, besides having to pay for a divorce. You can still have kids with someone that you are dating, and have money issues with them. Marriage is suppose to be a commitment. If it is not a commitment, then marriage is just a meaningless piece of paper.

    Having a kid with someone is the only real commitment you can make, that is actually enforced by the law. Most people don't want marriage to be any kind of commitment, because they have a fear of commitment. Ever wonder why divorce isn't illegal? Too many people want out. Even new branches of religion have been created for the sole purpose of letting people get divorced. That way even their own religion can't bind them together.

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  • No, why would I be paranoid about what everyone else is doing? Not only is it "everyone else", but I don't sit around thinking about marriage anyway. I worry about things that affect me on the regular, not statistics about everyone else's marriage.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I think you're simplifying things far too easily. Most people DON'T want to get a divorce, MOST people work very hard to save their marriage before it dies.

    Personally I don't believe in marriage because it is an unrealistic concept to make a contractual agreement that you will love, be faithful to, est someone for the rest of your life. I don't believe you should be held hostage in an unhappy situation because of a promise you made 5-50 years ago.

    Just because you Love with all of your heart a person TODAY does not mean that you will love the person that they Develop into OVER THE YEARS.

    As much as society likes to ignore the fact that People change, You need to realize that people CHANGE. Sometimes for the better, and sometimes for worse. And you need to understand that A Persons partner may not enjoy that change in them, even if is a GOOD change. Ideas and beliefs also change. What if you married someone who was a christan, then they became an atheist, or Muslim, or mormon? What if you married someone who wanted to have children but changed their mind? What if you married someone who changed their view on sexuality? What if they decided to become celebrate or if they wanted to start swinging? What if they developed a shopping addiction and started to spend all of the families savings?

    People also tend get comfortable in relationships and see their partners needs/wants/concerns as burdens or very Trivial and minuscule, even though it means ALLOT to their partner. They become less attentive, less affectionate, and less caring. IF someone checks out of a relationship, it is often hard to feel connected to them, especially if they aren't listening to you, OR IF THEY DON'T THINK ANYTHING IS WRONG. One person may see a problem and the other one may not. Some people refuse to change or work on a relationship if they are comfortable.

    You're also assuming that all Marriages Were wholesome and well intended to begin with. Some people THINK they want to be married, but are just pressured into it. Men and Women get pressured into marriage by friends and family. They believe a "clock" is ticking and if doesn't happen Now now now, then they will be lonely and miserable for the rest of their lives. Some people get married JUST so that they can have children, and the social status associated with marriage.

    People also don't choose the right partner to marry. Often times one person is more in love with the other, and the One who is not in love goes along with marriage anyways. In other words, people end up settling and realizing their mistakes.

    You only get one life, you should spend it how you want. IF you want to get married, then get married, if you want to stay single or cohabitation, then do that. You never know what a person goes through or the reasons why the believe in what they do. Just accept that everyone is different and worry about your own life and relationships.

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  • While it is true that the divorce rate is pretty high it shouldn't stop you from getting married. It's ridiculous to not get married for that reason, but you should NOT get married if you are having any doubts. Sometimes people think that marriage is just something that comes along with being boyfriend and girlfriend for a long time, but if you don't feel a spark, it's not right and of course will end in divorce. The problem is "People accept the love they think they deserve," and settle for something that won't last. If people weren't so afraid of never getting married they would take the time to wait for the partner that's right for them, even if it take 10 years more than the age most people get married. It's also probably from cheating and people that rush into relationships not realizing what marriage is, only having an idea. Marriage is a promise and a commitment to another person not to leave them. It is time and effort and if you aren't willing to work things out with the person you should not be getting married in the first place.

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  • I know what you mean. If they're that worried, they shouldn't be getting married. If you feel someone you're about to marry is right for you, it won't be much of a worry, if at all.

    It's actually better now that divorce is more socially acceptable, because it means less people stay stuck in abusive relationships, forever unhappy.

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    • I agree with the first paragraph. As for the second paragraph, sometimes I feel that the more socially acceptable divorce has become, the easier people see divorce as nothing wrong. It is that much easier for those people to separate. Of course, you're talking about abusive relationships, so both reasons are applicable, in my opinion.

  • Only a bit

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  • Not really

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  • I'm not worried about marriage because of divorce. I'm worried about marriage because of my parents' sh*tty marriage.

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