To move in or not to move in

So I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 months. He's my first everything because I never had the time before starting college to date around. He's super supportive of me, my ambition when it comes to finishing school early and my career goals. The other night he asked me to move in with him, which would be amazing. I could easily afford the rent he and his roommates would charge me and they already agreed that I should move in. There are definitely more positives than possible negatives but if the negatives do happen they could negatively influence my future. Currently my dad is paying for me to go to college (guilt trip from never paying child support despite the fact that he makes bank). My mom is aware that we might move in soon and is willing to support me as best she can but is worried that my dad will quit helping to pay if I do.

Right now the best option I can think of would be to let my dad pay for my room and board in the college dorms again next year, but only keep only keep a few basic necessities there while I live at my boyfriend's. This would involve lying to him over the summer along with my brother who doesn't support premarital sex and certainly wouldn't lie to help me out. Since my mom and brother live only 20 minutes from us it should be easy enough to fool them over the summer with my mom's help. Another positive of keeping the dorm even though I won't be living there would be then next year if things go bad and we break up or I just need some alone time, I have my own place to go to.

Does this sound like a good possibility or just wishful thinking that will likely blow up in my face?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I would say its a bit soon. Having lived with many different people, you have to understand that living with someone is a completely different beast. There are all these other factors that now come into play that can really hurt a relationship if both people aren't already very committed and understanding of each other and their lifestyle.

    However, I don't think its the end of the world. My main thing is that I think its only a really big mistake if one of the people is going to be dependent on the other. If you would otherwise have no place to live, if you need them to support you financially, if you share a car, if they drive you to work, etc. Things like this aren't good early on in a relationship because you'll be trapt if things go wrong. However, if you can work out an arrangement that is basically like an extended sleepover where at any point in time you can just pack up and go back home, then I don't see as much harm.

    I've just seen too many instances of couples who moved in too early, all of a sudden started fighting, and now the girl is trapped in the relationship because without him, she's without any money and on the street because she made the mistake of being dependent on a Boyfriend she's only known for 6 months.

    • I have my own job and would still have a dorm on campus in order to continue to receive money to pay for school. I don't rely on him for much right now but I still have a lot of things I want to go over with him.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • After only four months, it's too early to be thinking about cohabitation.

    • That's what I think but he asked me, aren't guys supposed o be the non-committal ones? Also I can see us being together for a really long time and if he's ready shouldn't I be thinking about it?

  • You shouldn't move in.

    It's clear that your life would be in a mess if you pursue that idea.


What Girls Said 2

  • Moving in together is tough and basically it messes a lot of the romance factor. Suddenly, you annoy the crap out of each other because maybe he forgets to put the toilet seat down, or he gets pissed that there are smudges of toothpaste on the sink. Added to that whole ordeal, what if one of his friends bail out on the rent and you end up paying for it cause you don't want to be evicted. Also its not just you and him living alone together, but you and his + something roommates which can change and then suddenly your stuck living with people you can't stand and potentially harm the relationship.

    Honestly, the best answer you can give is no. You can tell him that you would like to live with him but with some more privacy (ie no roommates). Then you have a very valid excuse and you wouldn't hurt his feelings. Enjoy the romantic phase, the most that you can because its the best part of the relationship and if things work out for a year or more then you can marry and then move in together like a married couple with their own house.

    • Unfortunately those scenarios are practically impossible since they all are in upward mobile jobs and have known him longer and would never put the burden on me. I leave the seat up for him and always clean the sink if I brushed my teeth last. Like I had stated previously I would have another space if things got bad or we both just wanted some alone time.

    • It is still too early, and I'm just referencing some problems that may arise while cohabiting which will happen. Also no matter how great his friends are, you'd lack the privacy but maybe you and him are not big into privacy.

    • That's the point of me keeping the college dorm. Tons of privacy if needs be and his roommates are rarely around. I think I'm there more than they are.

  • Honestly it seems like it will complicate your life more. You'll have to lie to people you care about (not to mention it's pretty much a total waste of your dad's money if he's paying your room and board if you're not using it).

    Plus it's only four months. And I hate to generalize all relationships, but the fact of the matter is that 4 months is NOT a lot of time, and he's your first boyfriend etc. I'm not discounting your relationship, but realistically, moving in after that long, when he's your first will probably be a rude awakening, and will complicate your relationship with him more than you're prepared for at this point.

    • I don't love my dad and could care less about him wasting money or lying to him. He has done some awful things to me and if FASFA doesn't pull through I have no choice but to lie to him. And it;s not like the other space would never be used if he's away at training for the weekend or I need alone time to study or things are just getting hectic for us there we'd have another place to stay.

    • Fair enough. It's great that you have another place to stay, but that's not going to solve the potential issues that will arise with moving in with someone you've been with for only four months. Think about it realistically- 4 months in and you're pretty much still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. Personally, as someone who has had a few very serious relationships (as in over 3 years, and being engaged) I would suggest building more of a "base" to your relationship with this guy.