Why is he caring, when he wants me to break up with him?

This guy wanted to have an unofficial physical relationship with me, but I secretly fell for him. I tried to confess once, but in vain. He keeps saying that I have to break up with him, cries when I don’t receive his calls for two days (because I myself am crying because I am upset about breaking up). He takes care not to hurt me, when we are doing it. He gets sad when I leave the country for long and comes to see me off at the airport.

When I told him I had fallen in love with him, he said he didn’t feel the same. A few days later, he said he loved me and was so sweet and full of warmth. He said he was scared that he’ll be replaced for someone better. A few days later, he told me he travelled to the other part of our country to meet his ex and asked her to go to bed with him, because he missed her. I laughed when he said that. Later, I cried. Once I was in an all-female gathering celebrating new years and he was jealous thinking that I was with men, because I was not receiving his calls.

He worries about me when I catch UTI, after getting physical with him. He worries whether I reached home safe or not. He gives me t-shirts and pretty scarves as gifts. He drinks this expired coffee (which I gave him months ago), and says it is all about love and he doesn’t wanna throw it away.

Then he says I have to break up and avoids talking to me, when I say that I like him. He accuses me of going out with men all the time (when he’s the only one I have slept with and am depressed and am being a hikikomori). He accuses me that I am with him for the money, even though I offer to pay half the amount after every meal or for my movie ticket and I try to pay him back by giving him gifts. He says I am lying to him, when I am honestly not with other men. He says that he hates it when I offer to pay the money, when we’ve been together for long. He gives me hand-made drawings. He lies about giving drawing to another girl two months ago and asks for my opinion. He says that he hates it when I hide things and say “nothing”. He says he’ll date my pretty Japanese teacher and asks what I’ll do. He says our relationship won’t work out if I am not open, if I hide my feelings, don’t express myself, if I don’t get his jokes, etc. He tells me to go get a boyfriend, with whom I don’t have to worry about looking good. He talks about other girls in front of me. He says he likes his ex and there’s no chemistry between me and him. He says that there are things that his ex does, that I don’t do.

I have only been with him, physically. I do my best to look good to him. I try not to cause him any inconvenience. I try to ignore it when he talks about other girls. If I get hurt because of his lectures, I just cry alone. I just made a heart-shaped chocolate for him and told that I want to give it to him. Now he says I have to wrap it all up tomorrow.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He sounds insecure, unsure of what he truly wants, and quite bipolar honestly, there could also be other things happening in his life, that isn't constant, so he goes through a lot of ups and downs maybe, or maybe he just doesn't feel good enough for you, so he's taking it out on you by being mean.

    • Thank you for helping me understand the situation.

    • Show All
    • Yep, I hope so too. Thank you. :)

    • Your welcome

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • He has no self-confidence. This translates into no confidence in other people. He may love but he is correct, it will not work out, simply because he has already entered the path of self-destruction via cyclic emotional leeching. The reality is that it's not him who is going to be replaced, it's you, and this is because while he can dedicate himself to other people he's so afraid of himself that he cannot maintain this dedication.

    In all honesty he's sapping you dry and also leaving scars while trying to cling to both sources of emotional energy to feed him since that's his life-support. Whether you accept that or not I cannot help but this is known as emotional abuse and it's the hardest of all of them to recognize because it's counterintuitive abuse where the person treats you extremely well showing obvious love but runs you through so that they can extract the dramatic energies required for their own broken stability mechanisms.

    You are either his puppet or not, your choice.


What Girls Said 1

  • he is messing with your head,he is guilty of doing wrong but transfers his guilt on to you by accusing you of the foolishness he is actually doing himself,dont lesten to him, he is controlling and wants his cake and eat it too..find someone who wants YOU not just sex and someone who won't be so confusing,...love is not confusing,this is clearly not love,it is lust,run fast