Do men need to know a girls can take sex off the table to feel secure about a relationship with her?

I was sleeping with a guy it seemed he liked me, I clearly was scared we both said we weren't ready for anything. He told me once that he wasn't sleeping with anyone else, then another time he really liked hanging out with me. I got scared and backed off, then came back and confessed some feelings and he said he didn't have his whole heart to give yet. I moved on to a relationship, then about a month later he did too. Mine ended and then his did too, we slept together again then didn't talk by my choice he had become rather negative in general then he came back to me again still wanting me back in his life, for the first time last week we actually had sober sex in the morning after hanging out he never made any moves on me at all we just started kissing in the morning we drove out to an old spot of ours near my cottage at 4 am at my request, it was a lot like making love he was super attentive and

romantic...My question is if I like him should I be patient and take the sex off the table to allow for something

else to grow, does it seem at all like this would be possible.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends on his baggage.

    If he's been cheated on or thinks a lot of women are 'sluts' then waiting helps.

    If he'd had relationships where her sex drive was an issue or she used control over sex as a weapon, waiting may make him feel he can't trust you to be in a good monogamous relationship.

    Maybe be yourself, and if that's not what he's looking for, its not who you should be with.

    • I asked him once if I sounded truthful when I would tell him my feelings and he said no, that was way in the beginning so I think you might be right, and I may be lucky enough to have someone who is forgiving of things and understands we are not perfect...I think his ex trapped him in a relationship after first sleeping with him and she turned out to be very needy and he had no space, the last one left him because he lied to her, I guess he was pretending to be better than he was.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Here's the rule, and what we think as guys. If a girl is really easy and has sex before a relationship starts, she's only good for a hookup or a FWB, not a relationship. We really like when girls save sex for a later part of the relationship. So honestly, id say you may have messed up your chances by sleeping with him before having a relationship with him, it makes you look easy, which really isn't attractive. Now this may not be the case, but this is just my opinion as a guy.

    • I feel like for me I care about him more than that now, I respect him now even though he just slept with me. And I don't know why but I feel like he was really trying to show me respect and love and trying to set a new precedence for what it is we are. He cuddled with me for hours and didn't want to leave but I had to get back, he was bummed about that. I think even with out the sex he would have laid there with me and just held me...ant further thoughts?

    • Sex too early hurts relationships, and I know this from personal experience and my friends experience. Sex should happen much later in a relationship. To put it simply, sex is more the "physical" aspect of the relationship, and if you build something from the physical part, it's not gonna last forever. However, the emotional connection from a relationship before sex is much stronger. In my opinion, I think the relationship might look steady but isn't, but as always, I could be wrong.

What Girls Said 1

  • What? I need reassurance AND sex to feel secure in a relationship again. Sex makes me feel more bonded and connected to my boyfriend, therefore I feel more secure.


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