Just got out of an abusive relationship

okay, my ex fiancé always mentally abused me. he never hit me, but always emotionaly/mentaly abused me. I finally called it off, and am not ready to date for a long time. but for future reference, I'll probably be more skeptical of men. more cautious and even scared that my previous situation may be repeated in new relationships. I need tips and maybe some confidence boosters so I'm not down in the dumps. I loved my fiancé very much. but I'm not on medication due to his abuse. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm confused and more than hurt. I just need some advice on what I should do next. I don't even want to talk to him because whenever I do he calls me a whore for leaving him. please, any advice? ( I already know to cease communications ).
Updates:
now on medication*

0|0
45

Most Helpful Guy

  • My heart always breaks a little when I hear these kind of stories. It pisses me off beyond reason to hear about abuse and mistreatment.

    well do not talk to this ex. he is only going to make you feel worse and the cycle of emotional abuse. you are out of the relationship and that is the first step in feeling better. now you just need to realize that the way this guy treated you is no reflection of who you are but an indictment of who he is.

    He is the person who has clear emotional issues. He could be insecure, he could have witnessed or suffered abuse in his past, he could have some mental instability that leads him to act the way he does. Irregardless it clear that there is something wrong with him to feel like he can treat you so badly.

    Know that you are worthy of love and just found the wrong guy. But the right person is out there and waiting to meet you. But first take all the time you need to heal yourself. Take solace in your friends and family and remind yourself what it is to feel loved, truly loved. Remember the person you were before all the turmoil of this awful ex boyfriend and try to get back to that.

    Take all you can learn from this past relationship and just accept it as a difficult stage in your life. Vow to find a person who will not treat you that way because you don't deserve it.

    I've been in crummy relationships where I was treated awful. I had to remind myself after those break-ups that there is someone out there for you who will love you and will make you feel like a million bucks.

    Good luck!

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Loading...

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • As you said. Cease communication, to the point of blocking his #. Secondly, you need to take time to focus on yourself and things that you like to do. You need to find things to fill your time that he filled. Start interacting with people who don't abuse you, and be VERY wary of you returning to the cycle. It wouldn't hurt to talk to a counselor, priest, whatever - some type of therapy.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I am so sorry about your experince. Do not go back to him! Avoid at all cost! I think you should remain single for a while until you know what you want in life. But don't let that basterd ex of yours run your life! Good luck

    0|0
    0|0
  • i was with a naciccistic sociopath for 2 yrs, she always put me down for no real reason. I was always confident, assertive and funny. but its different when someone you trust and like says things to you. I hope you heal and don't allow your bad experiences to affect you critical thinking. there are good guys out there so I hope you don't miss out. I m a good guy, but I don't do a bunch of things to prove myself to a skeptical women. I simply don't mess up and don't need to do more than I need to. I m happy for you and thi sis just a start=)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Assuming you have any left that you didn't isolate for the sake of your relationship, you need to start spending time with friends. Go out and have a good time, do all the things you were held back from doing because of him, and cut communication completely if possible.

    Listen, simply being AWAY from that influence will start to boost your confidence, and bring you back to the person you were before him.

    As for future relationships, you know now what to look for. Don't tolerate any of that sh*t, and make it well known that you won't. You don't need to be "scared" of it happening again, because you have the power to stop it before it starts. You CAN take control (you've already proven this by leaving), and you will continue to do so in the future.

    0|0
    0|0
    • due to him, I've lost every guy friend I have. I know that I shouldn't have let it get that bad, but for the sake of keeping him I did. I cut all communication with my guy friends, and I regret it because I was closest with them. I also lost a lot of girl friends to him because he was " jealous " of the time I spent with them. I don't know how to come about befriending them again. some are so mad at me and I deserve it. I just wish I could have had the strength to end it before I lost my friends

    • Just try to open the lines of communication with them again, it's about all you can do.

What Girls Said 4

  • I was abused mentally and physically by my ex boyfriend 4 years ago, I understand what you are going through. you need to see if you can get counselling if you aren't already, I never got it and now I am struggling but there are always people you can talk to. if he calls you a whore you need to ignore it because you had a bloody good reason for leaving him.

    Hope this helps :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would catch up on the things you always wanted to do. For example if there was a dance class you always wanted to take but couldn't because of your fiance. Take time out for yourself as needed. Have a good support system. Make sure you have a friend/loved one or two that you know you can contact and can be supportive of you especially in weak moments. You may also want to try counseling to work through your emotional abuse. If you go this route, make sure he/she knows what medication you're taking.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Tell him to suck it. He doesn't deserve you obviously, but you are a beautiful person inside and out (I am just guessing) and he doesn't deserve you ever. you deserve better. to help you get over him go hang our with friends. go on a trip with them. information to make sure you don't end up in a relationship like that again is: when you meet a guy and y'all go on dates and realize y'all what to be in a relationship make sure at some point to make him mad, really mad, do anything. ( I know what you are probably thinking "wtf") but if you do this and he answers back in a hurtful way or starts becoming abusive then you know that this isn't the guy for you.

    Hope I helped :).

    0|0
    0|0
  • You did a great job got out of the relationship with him. because now he calls you a whore for leaving him just tells us he really isn't the right guy for you.

    I was in a relationship with this guy and he cheated on me, and eversince I developed trust issue and had hard time trusting guys. after my exboyfriend, I met this guy who is my current boyfriend, and I obviously had hard time trusting him from the beginning. I still have a fear that he'd go on a date with other girls.. I told him that I do have trust issue and so that I want him to understand me, and he didn't say much about it, but he's been being trustful enough that I don't really feel any insecurity about this relationship. I know not everyguy is like my ex boyfriend, but still I do have doubt. so I understand it must be hard for you to move on and especially you loved him much and he was your fiance. you are still young and there are plenty of fish, and there are plenty guys who are not abusive. and you know that. it is always tough to end what you get used to and start new, but think positive now you got out of the bad realtionship and now you can find the right guy who will treat you right. try to put more time invest on yourself and date others. and try to keep yourself busy so you don't think about past much. then you'll find the guy soon. and please don't talk to him since there's no point of you guys to talk.. you'll get more stressed by that and have hard time moving on.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I really appreciate this. thank you ( all of you ) for the kindness and advice shared.

Recommended myTakes

Loading...