I have some concerns about my friend's recent conquest....

She got out of a five year relationship with an abusive, cheating guy in December.

Almost immediately after that, she fell for this guy, Mike, who proceeded to string her along for a couple months, always claiming he "wasn't ready for a relationship right now, but soon." And then he also flirted with other girls and told her about it. Heck, he tried to start something with me, but I shot him down immediately. She was totally friend zoned by him after she rejected his request for a friends with benefits situation.

Now she likes this new guy and she told me about him. Me, being a snoop and a CJ major, naturally had to do some poking around to figure out who this guy was.

I'm not impressed. Like, at all.

For starters, his relationship status on Facebook still says "in a relationship" and when I asked her about that she said he hadn't changed it after getting out of a relationship a few days ago.

The last post from his "ex" was on April 12 and it said she loved him. I checked her Facebook (like the creep I am) and found her status also said "in a relationship." Now, I'm pretty sure one of them had to have ended it and that person's status would say "single" but neither of their status' say that.

Also, this "ex" of his, commented on one of my friend's posts on his wall and called her out and was very defensive of this guy. This post occurred on the 15th.

Now, it concerns me that both of their pages say they're taken, yet he chooses to flirt with my friend. And even if they DID break up as he claims, why would she respond that way after the break up? The phrase she used was, "Really? Get your own damn man, bitch."

I feel like that's not a typical response from an ex.

Also, he has a kid. Not that that's an issue, but the mother of that child will always be in the picture and my friend is very insecure so I feel like that won't go well. Also, at 19, who really wants to potentially take care of someone else's kid? My friend is thinking long term here.

I know this is Facebook, so it's not totally solid information and is rather clumsy investigation and it's not always accurate but...still.

I know it is in no way my place to interfere and it's her relationship, but I can't stand to see her get hurt again. She's been hurt by so many guys because she always always ALWAYS falls for the jerks and the cheaters. Never has she been with a good guy. For once, I just want her to be with a good guy. I've offered to set her up with guys I KNOW would be good for her but she's refused.

So...should I express my concerns to her you think and stop her from getting hurt? Or should I just let her get her heart broken again?


Most Helpful Guy

  • The best thing you can do is point out your findings to her and convey to her your concerns and why you have them. Once given the information it will be up to her how she decides to go about resolution.

    If she confronts him, then chances are he may try to keep her snowed as to what the truth really is. She will then have to make a decision (though evidently its pretty clear.) The most rational thing she could do is to end any consideration that this guy is a potential mate, not just because of his current relationship, but because of the fact if he's playing her with the girl he's currently in a relationship with then who's to say that he won't do the same to her with yet another girl or possibly even an ex.

    It's admirable that you want her to go out with a good guy, and that you have even offered to set her up, but again, there are too many variables. Perhaps she isn't attracted to the guys you suggested to her or maybe she feels there isn't any connection with their personality. Additionally, even if they appear to be decent guys, you may not really know everything about them. They too can be into deviant behavior, just better at keeping it concealed. How would you feel if she did go out with one of your suggested guys and still got burned?

    The best thing you can really do for her is to let her follow her own path. Advise her if you have information that you feel is important to her regarding her choices and be there to support her in the event things go wrong. Ultimately, she will have to walk her own path. Sometimes life can be a better adviser and teacher (because of the harsh doses of reality) than we as friends can be.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Boththe other guys are rite. express your concerns and why. give her the facts if she will listen. Then let her do what she chooses. be ready to helo when it falls apart because it sounds like it will.

    Take nots and the really hard thing is when you someone says to you in the futer the same thing and shows you the evidence don't blow it off and think no this is different.

    That is the hardest part.

  • You can try to talk to her but unfortunately some girls just don't want the good guys, they only are attracted to the jerks and a**holes. I don't know why, maybe they don't think they deserve any better, maybe they think it's exciting to be in an abusive relationship that's full of drama, I don't know.

  • You should really express your concern.

    Though, sometimes, it's better if you let people do their own free will and learn from experience.


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