How to become the bigger man in this situation

Basically I have fallen out with a 'mate' due to problems we had on Erasmus (exchange in another country).

I'm a pretty forgiving guy, but this lad really screwed me over during that year so basically I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.

So here's the kicker, we have mutual friends still being in college together, and he text me to invite me out on a 'class night' out.

I'm a social person so I've nothing but love for everyone but him.

So really the question is how and if so, should I go on this night out without giving him the upper hand and still enjoy the night?

If I did go, I wouldn't really want to speak to him but I don't want to project my ill feelings (hatred) etc onto the friends (who I love) on their big night.

He's that female, bitchy, back-stabbing type of weasel (no offense intended to reader, just giving you a character profile)

I understand the above is dramatic, and something I never like to get involved in at all, so any advice would really be greatly appreciated.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • be cordial, that's all, nothing more. like, if he says hello, don't just turn away and ignore him, but try and not linger around and keep your answers short. he'll tell there's a difference but it won't be so obvious to everyone around

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What Girls Said 1

  • If you're going to be the "bigger man" as you say, then you should go on this outing, and don't even let HIM know you're mad. If he knows you have reason to be angry, he'll be surprised at your civility with him. And nobody says you have to trust him. Just go to have fun, and don't put yourself in a situation where he can screw you over again.

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What Guys Said 3

  • As I was typing my response, it suddenly became clear. He has asked you out, you still have bad feelings toward him, and it really doesn't matter what the event is that you might attend. Just kindly tell him, "No Thank You" and continue living your life. Just Say No. ;-)

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  • I happened to have a crush for a woman in my group of friends, and she turned me down very disrespectfully when I asked her out. It was a year ago, I've been out with my friends and her many times since, but I have always acted as if she wasn't there.

    I just refused to attend smaller events (like dinners for 4 people) because I didn't want to install a bad atmosphere by ignoring to her, which would have led to questions from others, and this doesn't concern them.

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    • Yeah I had a girl in my group of friends like this - we have an awkward 'hello' and that's it now.

      What I've learnt is that respect is earned and not given.

      Just smile and laugh it off with friends and enjoy having the banter with them - she will hate to see her ignorance and lack of manners having no affect on you.

      Remember haters are just confused admires - there also a good source of motivation.

    • Ignoring is far worse. It's not saying "I hate you", it's saying "You're not in my world anymore". And at the same time, it just removes confrontation. It shows you don't care at all. When you talk to someone, even if aggressively, you still acknowledge them. So yeah, just go with your friends, and act like the other guy isn't here.

  • You should just ignore him.

    Stop complicating the situation and just find a better person.

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    • so I should go and just enjoy it with my actual friends and ignore him?

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