The dreaded 'ex'. Is she just a friend? Or too friendly?

My boyfriend & I have been together for about 8 months. We met while traveling. (he's from south America)

We have some ex issues! My question is- how much is too much? How/where do you draw the line?

Me: I was recently out of a relationship when I met my current man. I still had ties to my ex. (we were living in separate cities, but I still had to go claim some stuff from his house- which used to be ours- and sort out bill payments yada yada logistics) About one month into my new relationship, my ex got in a terrible accident and I had to go visit his city to pick up all of my stuff as well as box up his, clear out the old apartment and send his stuff it to storage. (He had a long hospital stay ahead of him). After this incident I kept in contact with my ex. The occasional fb chat or text message. This contact lasted about 3 months. Then my new boyfriend told me it made him uncomfortable and he felt threatened by our contact. I told the new boyfriend that I could understand his feelings and, for the sake of giving our new relationship a chance, cut contact with the ex.

HIM: He also has an ex who I feel a little wary about. They dated for 5 years in their late teens early 20's. They broke up 5 years ago and since their breakup they have kept in close contact and had an ongoing sexual relationship when they find themselves both single. Their contact consists of chats at least once a month, sharing details about their lives, goals and relationships, keeping tabs on where they are and with whom they're traveling, giving life/relationship advice to each other. My boyfriend wants me to meet her when we go travel to his hometown. He says we can probably stay at her house. *GULP* Is my reaction... I told him that the context and closeness of their contact made me uncomfortable. That I felt threatened. He chose to delete contact with her and I thanked him,

QUESTION 1: Was my feeling of being threatened by his ex justified?

Four months pass...

To continue, he got upset with me last weekend. He found out that I had asked an old ex (who I never usually speak to) to send me old vacation pictures from a trip to Europe which we had taken and I had no photographic evidence of. I tried to talk to my boyfriend about it. I told him if he was upset or felt threatened by this ex, that I would like to sit down and listen to his feelings.(btw, about a week earlier I had told my boyfriend while sorting my online albums that I was thinking about asking this ex to send me the euro pics)

My boyfriend refused to talk about the issue and in response, re-added his ex and opened up contact with her. This renewed contact involved telling her that he had severed ties originally because his "girlfriend threw a tantrum" and that no fight would make him delete her again. He defends this action by saying that it was inappropriate for me to request him to sever contact in the first place and he never should have done it and that I need to just trust him.

QUESTION 2: What the f*** do I do with that?!?!?!?!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • So, he is right in that you never should have asked in the first place. Outside of you finding them hooking up, people should be able to stay friends even with the opposite sex when they knedw each othr before. Girls who request what you did are only going to be trouble later. He felt like you were making a double standard, and you were, by contacting this other ex, and decided he made a mistake complying with your request before. What you do now is meet her and show you are the bigger person. If not, take off. It will be an ongoing issue and you feeling threatened won't change. All of this is inmature couple sh*t, and will probably never go away...

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What Guys Said 2

  • It seems like you both agreed that keeping in contact with previous partners was not the greatest for the relationship. You both had situations where you cut contact with exes for, what you both believed to be, the betterment of the relationship and now you start contacting exes. I can see how he feels.

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  • I am sorry to hear this but its time to move on; he obviously can't stay faithful to you. Be single for a little while and wait for someone that can be faithful, good luck.

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What Girls Said 4

  • It sounds him and his ex are closer then they both want to admit. Sounds like they belong together lol. I would let him go and move on. Take some time to yourself and then when your ready you will find someone. Preferably who has no contact with their ex.

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  • This story makes me really pissed! When guys do those things, grrrrr ! It just feels like he don't gives a sh*t ..

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  • i would say her or me.

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  • He sounds hugely hypocritical. His relationship with his ex is much closer and intense than any contact you've had with your exes. For him to go to her and place the blame on you, as well as tell her that "no fight would make him delete her again" is absurd. Who is the girlfriend in this relationship? His actions are saying his loyalty is with her.

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