I would like to understand what is going on with her

Well, this is it. I've posted lately that my ex and I were going our separate ways, even if we loved each other, some things that happened in the past makes it impossible for her to get back together.

We're barely talking now and she's pulling away, slowly but surely. She hardly ever calls (if at all) and writes to me. Last time we spoke, she said she's trying to stay busy so she can forget me, it hurts to hear that, especially when only 2 months ago, she was considering getting back together.

Now I know what I have to do, let her go. The thing is, we were very close and we talked almost everyday for the last 3 years, even if we were not together. Not only do I love her but she's my soul mate, my best friend...

Now, when things get tough, she's not there anymore to listen to me and well, I know she will not call me when she needs it either.

She says she loves me, that it hurts her to "let me go"/kick me out of her life. That she misses our conversations, that she misses spending time with me.

The only mails I've gotten from her are short and frigid at most.

I don't know what to do. I sometimes feel like I am going nuts. I don't want her out of my life, even if she's only a friend but we both know that whenever we will see each other, there will be sparks and old feelings will bubble back to the surface, as it has done for the past 3 years.

She has told me countless times that whenever she moved away, that it was for good, that we would NEVER kiss each other, NEVER touch each other, NEVER be close or intimate but still, for 3 years, she has come back to me, 3 times... Each time bringing us closer but each time, moving us further apart...

I have a hard time because I fear she will come back again in a few months but I don't want to wait. I am also afraid to find someone else because I really feel like she was made for me. I have wanted many women in my life but none like her.

Ladies, what do you think of all this? I am moving on anyway but I have a hard time understanding her.

Thank you.

P.S. : By the way, we've been together for 9 years and we met when we were 25, so this is not a 3 months relationship thing involving teens. We dealt with all the major issues (behavior things) and learned a great deal about each other which really brought us much closer...


Most Helpful Girl

  • I teared up a little reading your question. First of all I think its great that you are honest with your feelings, it important that people don't play games when it comes to love. The thing that stands out the most is in the beginning when you said some things in the past make it impossible for her to get back together. Was there cheating involved? And if so (not trying to get too deep into your business) who cheated? Aside from that it sounds like whatever happened deeply hurt her. Women feel the same way you described, our partners are our best friends too. Some women take things in deep and if she cannot get past what happened then she may be trying to let it go so she doesn't make it miserable for the both of you by not being able to let go of her hurt and resenting you. You say your moving on anyway but if you decide life just isn't as good without her, my advice is to give it your all to get her back. I believe love is loud, if you love someone show them, if you love someone then shout it from the rooftops. Don't let her go if you genuinely feel like she is your soulmate.

    • No, we never cheated on each other. Basically, I had an anger management problem, I never hit her or called her names either, I just yelled, broke things and swore when things didn't go my way. I fixed that with therapy, took over a year but its good now. 3 months ago, she told me I had changed and that her feelings for me had started growing back...

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What Girls Said 1

  • I had a relationship almost as long and yours and when we split I stopped talking to him immediately and completely. I think you are feeling this way because you are still talking and it seems like there might be hope of getting back together. This is the exact opposite of what you should be doing to get over her.


What Guys Said 1

  • You should really be moving away.

    She's not interested in going back anymore.

    • Well, she's doing exactly what she's been doing those last 3 times... Telling me it's over and then, bam, came right back only to leave again. I am not waiting but I know what's going to happen. Sigh.