Questioning my relationship and feeling horrible about it

For almost a year and a half now, I've been with my girlfriend. And up until a couple months ago, we were perfect. Our beginning wasn't the best for a few different reasons but, we got past it. Something or should I say someone has popped up recently that has completely changed my view on my relationship for the most part.

This person is an ex of mine that I had broken up for all the wrong reasons. Unfortunately I failed to realize that until a year or so later after having a falling out with a friend and their famiy, that I thought had my best interest in mind with their advice but, only had their own. that's a whole different story in itself but, it was someone that was basically a sister to me. After coming to this realization, I made the attempt to right my wrongs with the ex in hopes that I could be with her again. It didn't go as I wanted. Mainly because she had already moved on with another guy. Even though that failed, I was able to apologize for everything, which was something she had been waiting for. My buds girl is her best friend so, we do see each other sometimes. And each time, I don't know how to act because I can't act the way I really want to with her deep down inside. I still love this girl like crazy.

Couple months ago I get a poke from her on fb. Insignificant maybe but, after a year almost of not really seeing each other, my curiousity spiked and my attitude changed. It brought me right back to when I discovered I had made a huge mistake in breaking up with her. My girl had noticed too but, I couldn't tell her why. So I sent her a message inquiring about the poke. Nothing heavy and wished her well regardless of a reply or not. Well, there was no reply so I tried to brush it off but, it was still on my mind. Recently I find out she wants to talk to me but is unsure as to what she would like to say. I was around her when this was brought to my attention but, there was no discussion. The tension however, could have been cut with a knife, like there always is. So...

What could she want to say? If its want to be better friends, is that something you really have to think about before you say it?

We have had zero to little contact which is why I'm perplexed by this.

Am I wrong for feeling scared about what I may do if, in fact, she tells me that she still loves me and wants to be with me?

If I was with the right person, would something like this make me question the relationship at all? I love my girl dearly but, there is a feeling I get when I'm around my ex that has not diminished at all over time.

So confused.


Most Helpful Girl

  • First off, you wouldn't be a human being if you didn't stop to question things at some point. Just before any major steps are taken in any sort of venture it's good to sit down and assess the facts. (Granted that some people may go a little overboard with assessing and reassessing the situation, but that's another story for another day.)

    Next, she has moved on, and you seem to have both taken a little TOO MUCH time to assess and reconnect. When you hit that "she's like a sister to me" mode there's no real coming back from that. She either is or she isn't. You would definitely feel love for her either way, but there's no sexual feeling connected to a "sisterly" sort of connection.

    She may want to tell you that she's getting married; she may be wanting to ask you for a favor; she may be asking you to walk her dog while she's on vacation (because she trusts you)... It could be any number of things. She's hesitating because of your history together.

    Now I'm going to tell you... don't over think this. To me it seems clear that this little email from this girl is the perfect "PARACHUTE" for you to jump off the plane that is your current relationship. You're not happy with your current relationship for whatever reasons (conscious or subconscious) that are nagging at you, so you suddenly see this little fleck of communication and see it as a second chance at life with this first girl, who you obviously have fond memories of. REMEMBER THAT YOU BROKE UP FOR A REASON. It seems like it was a bowl of cherries from this vantage point, but take a moment to remember the days where all you could see were the pits. If you broke up for insignificant reasons, it wouldn't have taken this long to reconnect...

    Yes, you would be questioning even if you were with the perfect girl now because this old girlfriend has captured your imagination and because you are in a phase where you can be easily swayed -- that is, you DON'T ACTUALLY WANT THE RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU'RE IN NOW. If you did, you wouldn't put so much stock into what this old girlfriend is doing...


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What Girls Said 3

  • Do not go talk to your ex unless you break up with your current girlfriend first. You are dangerously heading toward cheating on your girlfriend without meaning to. Men, even the best of them usually find it hard to say no if things get hot and heavy with a girl they really like... even if they are dating a girl they don't want to hurt and who doesn't deserve it as well. Things escalate quickly when it comes to exes. It can go from a look to clothes flying in a matter of minutes.

    Everyone questions their relationship. I question mine from time to time... wonder what it would be like with other people.. wonder if I'm truly happy. I know I am with a good guy.. and I'm not willing to risk losing him just because of my own curiosity.

    I don't care about other guys. I don't care about what I used to have...because if it was REALLY meant to be, we wouldn't have broken up. Everyone breaks up for a reason..and if it took her THAT long to come and pursue you.. I'd be your ex sees you as a last resort, a fallback. A second best if you will. Your current girl I assume you're her #1 option, she chose to be with you, and you chose to be with her...

    If you want to work things out with your current gf...block all your exs off Facebook. It's too tempting for anyone to keep them in their lives. There is always a small spark. Besides, why do you want to be friends with an ex anyway? It just scratches at old wounds. Yuck..

    Though if you really do love your ex, break up with your girl if you REALLY think this ex of yours is worth it.

    I'm just warning you...ex's that don't try to rekindle sooner... they're usually not that into you. Within ONE DAY I knew I made a mistake of breaking up with my current boyfriend. We made up immediately. It was a small fight because he believed my cousin's lies. If you want things to secrets..

    Why are you chasing a broken car when you've just bought a 2013? You said your relationship was perfect...why downgrade for a mustang with a bunch of flat tires (problems) and broken windows? (trust issues)

    You'd be starting from square one and going on a limb for a CHANCE it's not even guaranteed you'll be with this girl...

    is your current girl worth a gamble?

  • You are very close to putting yourself into another situation you could end up regretting. Do you really want to send a message in a few months or a year discussing yet another ex and some wrongs you need to right with her?

    Ex's should never be friends or chit chatting either. You SHOULD be concerned about what you might end up doing. Consider this, whether girl A or girl B is the girl for you is one thing, but your character is your character no matter who you are with. So, do not make a huge mistake by disrespecting your girlfriend in establishing contact with your ex.

    If you really wonder that you are not with the right person, then you need to deal with that on it's own. Staying with her or ending it with her shouldn't be about whether the Ex is available or wants to rekindle things with you. Good luck.

  • I don't know why you feel wrong about your feelings. Just leave your current Girlfriend if you don't want to be with her.

    Its not fair to yourself or your current/future partners if you're still in love with someone else.

    Why don't you stay single for a while, until you can figure things out, with yourself and your ex.

    IF you are going to get back with your ex, there is no reason for you to stay with your current girlfriend, and if you don't want to be with your current girlfriend you should leave her.

    Cheating on your current girlfriend will be a douche move. Using her as a place holder until you get back with your Ex is also a douche move.


What Guys Said 3

  • Don't give up. Stick with your current woman. Don't let ghosts of the past distract you. I know also how the "what could have been" regret thing sets in. I have the most amazing woman, who doesn't always respond to me right away. She's super busy. But when she is able to make time for me, she always makes up for the long gaps of time in-between us talking. Long distance relationships can be both rewarding and taxing that way.

    However, there's always that one other girl that I can totally relate to. There's always that one that I had a crush on back in the day, and can't seem to ever completely let go of them. But you need to focus your energy on being the man your current love needs you to be. Be her hero. Don't let the other women become a snare to you. I know the temptation will always be there. I live with it myself. But don't let the dark side of your heart deceive you. Your greatest enemy is often yourself. Don't let him destroy you.

    • Hi obscurebeyond. i really like ur view iam a similar situation, there is a close friend of mine who I have always tried to be a good guy to and I have been exactly that to her and we talk about anything we live on the same street basically there's only 1 house that is separating our houses so we basically neighbors. OK so I have tried to have other relationships and I failed and she knows all of them and their failures cause I talk with her and she's free to talk with me I can go anytime to her house (lol just not late at night) and she doesn't mind coming out the house or giving me a walk to the shop. Well I use to have and iam still having lust full thoughts which come often and when I look at her body I just feel like wow I want her or just looking at her profile on whatsapp. I currently have a girlfriend we met late 2015 and are still dating till now 2017, but sometimes I fear that iam having to many thoughts about my friend instead of my girlfriend, and having second thoughts

    • And she's also busy since she started working, and she doesn't also always chat infect sometimes we don't even chat cos she's so busy, and I wanna talk dirty with her and just feel that hey iam not crazy iam a guy and often like talking silly I haven't slept with any girl yet I believe in sec after marriage I really want a good relationship but I don't understand why I have thoughts that me smiling when I think about my friend and this cause me to start acting in an angry manner towards my current girlfriend and my current girl friend tells me she loves me but I sometimes feel reluctant to say I love her back. Should I tell my best friend I have always had a thing for her or what? My current girlfriend tells me about how she has told her friends and work colleagues about me and they like really shocked cause of the way jam Faithfull and treat her, so I do want to make her happy but not sure if I really love her

    • She told me a secret she's been keeping and she thought I would leave her after she told me, but after she told me the secret I was shocked and I thinki I didn't think clearly when I answered her because after she told me I told her that I will still stay with her, but over the years I fear that I didn't really love her she's an awesome girl but I haven't dumped anyone before and I do not want to do that, but u iam I me sexually aroused by my friend... confused any advice

  • All I'm going to say is don't live life with regrets, you don't want to think in a few years "well what might have happened it I did/didn't do this"

    it's clear you still have feelings for this girl and although this probably comes across heartless (which I don't care about) your happiness is the key here.

    That doesn't mean you should go and cheat, but you should follow your instincts.

    What your ex has to say could be nothing or it could be something but how will you ever know unless you talk to her...talking is not cheating.

  • Did you resolve this situation yet, dude?


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