Should I break up with him

Here's my situation. I love my boyfriend dearly and want him in my life. However, I'm not totally happy in our relationship. We've been together for 2 years, living together since October ( so almost 7 months). When he moved in it was on the condition that he would have a job by January. Any job. Something part-time at a coffee shop, just be working. He still doesn't have a job and doesn't seem to be putting in a real effort. As far as I know he's only applied to maybe 6 jobs as he's looking for something that's "going to fulfill him". He hasn't worked in all the time we've been together and I've been footing 95% of the bills for the past year. That includes a trip that he wanted to take me on and I paid for both of us. I almost every other way though, he and our relationship is great!

I find myself getting angry about this and I feel like a shallow b**** for wanting to break up with him over this. I just don't know if I can live with somebody who's not financially independent ( he's living off his mom mostly) nor responsable ( bills go unpaid, I have to remind him to pay me back and how much).

I broke down the other night and said I didn't think we should still live together, not break up just live separately. He said it was all or nothing, we're living together or I never see him again. He won't even try to be friends. After a night of the silent treatment and then much talking the next day we decided to let the issue rest for a few days and re-visit later. We both still love and care about each other; but this not working thing is making me lose respect for him.

Should I cut my losses and break up with a great guy just because he's not working? Even if he gets a job I'm not sure it'll really change much. I also wasn't really ready to move in together in the first place and have also been struggling with giving up my space.

Can anybody offer some perspective on this?


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  • For the record: I just answered a question similar to this where a guy was pretty much supporting his girlfriend and she was constantly borrowing tons of money she never repaid. I'll give you a similar answer I gave him.

    You shouldn't feel shallow. You are two grown adults living together, except you're playing mom and he's playing child. It's not like you acted as if you wanted to be the breadwinner and changed your mind...you told him what you needed from the beginning and he didn't follow through. We all have needs in a relationship, some of which society calls "shallow", but they're still needs. Financial arguments are the #1 cause of divorce in this country, so by not paying attention to this now, that "shallow" thing will lead to a divorce as it has to lots of other couples.

    I would leave if I were you. Not because he's not rich, but because he didn't follow through with his promise, doesn't seem to care, and isn't acting like an adult. Frankly I don't know how you've lasted this long.

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