HELP!! My boyfriend wants to break up with me because I have lied and hidden things from him, but I love him

I met my fiancé 15 years ago we were good friends. I am 32 and he is 40. We started dating 5 years ago. My roommate needed a lot of my time and attention more than I would say a normal friend would ask for. When she found out about us, she became very upset and controlling of me. She was always controlling, but this got out of control. She made me feel like an awful person for falling in love with one of my ex-husbands ex friends. She would convince me lie to him, take a "break" from the relationship, she even hit on him trying to get him with her. I believe it was more jealousy than anything. During this time I did some nasty things to him, went out after telling him I went to bed, took a break from him and then got comforting from a guy friend, he walked into my house and saw that my guy friend and I laying on the couch. Nothing happened. Once I moved out of my house it was very tough for me to adjust, because she had control of my life for so many years. I got pregnant with our daughter. During this whole time I continued to lie to him about the smallest, stupidest things such as did you leave the kitchen light on? For fear he would leave me. I didn't cook or clean either. That would start arguments between us. I was just too lazy and it didn't matter to me. I never did it until he got upset. We were also having a lot of sexual issues. I was in an abusive relationship and I learned not to care about sex. I didn't care about his needs in the bedroom. He wasn't asking a lot he just wanted to feel wanted by me. I was still lying and withholding from him as well. We ended up breaking up, because the bedroom issue and not cleaning. He made the first move to get back together. We were still having issues I was still closed up and not being able to talk about my feelings. When I did talk I put my feelings in front of him, I ignored what he was asking from me which was love, respect and honesty. This went on for another year and then we broke up again. He couldn't handle feeling disrespected and lied to by me on a daily basis. He made the first move again to get back together. He felt no chase from me to get him back. Since the chase is what he was looking for I never gave him. That’s something I had never experienced this, my past relationships were very short and non-personal. This was my 2nd REAL relationship that I have been in. I’m not sure how but I was able to start feel absolutely free in the bedroom. He made me feel like a goddess for the first time in my life. We were able to become one in the bedroom. Talking personal comes & goes it feels amazing when I can than I close up & shut down. Not being able to answer simple questions he would ask me. Always using excuses or explanations to answer questions. I have constantly put guy friends and even my ex-husband (the one who abused me) in front of him. I love him so much & want to change, I don't want to lose him. There is a lot more that has happened, but I can't fit it all. Please HELP

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What Guys Said 1

  • I will compliment you on admitting to a trainload of self-issues, even in anonymity on this site.

    However, I don't believe for a second that this guy is going to stick around much longer, and he shouldn't.

    You are extremely emotionally immature. Seek counselling. Learn how to respect people around you, and behave appropriately for your age. Then, and only then, do you have a chance at having anything like a meaningful relationship.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You have a lot of growing up to do for someone in their 30s. You're not going to get him back based on the advice of people on the Internet. You need to work with a therapist to actually make serious, long-term changes in your thought processes and behavior.

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