My ex of three fricken years won't leave my heart. I wish he could, but he can't. We have been through hell and back and yet we are still so dysfunctional and we are not even together. What the f***. We both are moving on...slowly. I'm starting to like someone else, and he has a girlfriend. Who in that matter doesn't even know why he's with her, but yet can name many reasons why he was with me.
Why is he with her then? Its so stupid. Why be with someone when you don't even know why your with them...? I don't know what it is, I don't know if this is still love between me and my ex, or its something else, like being friends. But me and him don't know the first definition of being friends. We can't do it.
It's so stressful and I'm sick of being happy one day and completely not thinking about texting my ex, and then BAM I get in that moment and it starts all over again. I tell myself every single day that "I can live without him, there's more fish in the sea" but in all I don't if I can.
We can't be just friends, and we can't be together because a) he doesn't know what the hell he wants. b) I know 100% he doesn't want to be with me again. c) I don't know if I want to be with him again.
But one thing I do know is that I can't move on from him, and I'm afraid that if I do find an amazing guy one day that I know I can't give him my entire heart, and its not fair. Because I know my ex had it and still does. I hate how he has that advantage.