Once a cheater - always a cheater?

If you have ever cheated, would you do it again?

And if you have been cheated on and forgiven, has it happened to you again later?

I'm not here to judge anyone, you can post anonymously, I just want to find out how it works.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I mean I was always a "player" or whatever. Girls were never an issue to get and I abused it totally. I promised myself that in the two "serious" relationships that I've ever been that I wouldn't cheat. Well, I cheated. I never got caught but I felt horrible for a long time afterward. I just cannot say no to advances and sex when it's presented to me. I'm single and they're both happy, so maybe it's fate. Maybe someday.

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What Guys Said 4

  • My experience is that while people can change, on average, they usually won't. In general. Not just cheaters. Most people don't change unless they really want to, or unless something big happened. Even then, it's generally unlikely, and the change typically happens quite slowly. With cheaters? Hell no. Cheaters are generally selfish by nature. They don't change. Especially if you forgive them.

    See, here's how I see it. If you forgive a cheater (for whatever reason), well then, then you have essentially just told some part of their brain that it's OK. I'm not saying in a literal sense. (Although, that could happen, too) I'm saying you forgive (and keep/take back) a cheater, then the cheater now knows that there is forgiveness. You have just told them that no matter what, there is a chance they can come back from this. This guarantees that it will happen again.

    However, I feel a swift kick to the curb sends a powerful message, and guarantees it won't happen again, to YOU. It might even get through that they screwed up. Doubtful. This is still betting against the spread, but it's more likely that the cheater who lost someone is going to change than a cheater who was forgiven for irreparably damaging the trust and very foundation of a relationship. Would you not agree?

    Now, you folks might read this and think that I am cold, cynical or unforgiving. Maybe, maybe not. I can tell you that I speak from experience. First and second hand. I have been cheated on loads of times by so very many of my girlfriends. I learned from that. I also learned from watching others. Friends who have been cheated on. Friends who have cheated. I've watched, and experienced it and I've seen, heard and read the stories from all over. (GirlsAskGuys included) I took note of the patterns.

    Sure, forgive all you like, but only after you've dumped their cheating asses. Forgive, but don't forget. It's important to be smart about it. There's a slim chance they can change. Personally, I think you have a slightly better chance of winning the powerball, twice, in a row.

    I've also gone into my thoughts on this before. (For example - link - link )

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  • people CAN change, but don't expect them to.

    some people do have a significant moment in their life that changes them, but nothing short of that will change a cheater.

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  • Yes, of course. It's like smoking or taking drugs, once you start it, then you will love it.

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  • People who cheat or have affairs with married people have no conscience & that's something that is a part of you. They aren't going to magically change so yes, once a cheater, always a cheater.

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What Girls Said 2

  • i have never cheated in a relationship and it something I absolutely hate. I hope I haven't been cheated on, but if I ever was, I would never forgive.

    When friends have given their boyfriends second chances it is inevitable it happens again.

    There is no excuse to cheat because if you are not happy with who you are with in a relationship then do the decent thing and finish the relationship .

    Cheating shows no respect to the person they are in a relationship with , trust is broken and without respect and trust in a relationship you haven't got a relationship anyway.

    Yep I agree ... Once a cheat always a cheat !

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  • I agree with much of what the other posters have said. The cheater has to have made some pretty big changes in their life in order for them to not cheat again. The reasons for them cheating have had to be resolved for the other person to feel as though it won't happen again.

    I'm dating a guy right now who has cheated, though not on me. He cheated on a girlfriend several years ago. He was very up front about it, says he regrets it every day. He is a recovering alcoholic and there were a lot of issues there. He did things that were reckless when he was in that space. Since then he has made many changes in his life. He has been sober for almost 2 years now. Plus continually working on the issues that haunted him before.

    I'm not naive, I know he could cheat on me tomorrow. But I would hope that his revelations about his life and choices over the past several years have made him less likely to cheat.

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