Am I an emotional Punchbag?

I've been dating my girlfriend for around one year. At first everything was amazing (As usual?) But after some months things started getting a litle.. hastey. Everything was fine, until I moved house. We spent a while not seeing each other because I was so busy, I tried to make as much time for her as I could, she knew that.

Recently for the past few months she seems to be very stressed with her home life, but she takes everything out on me and rounds it down to some how to be my fault.

Someone will play loud music to give her a headache, I will call her and sympathize her, yet "the calling ring tone" is apparantly what gives her the headache and its all my fault, she tells me she hates me I'm a lame excuse for a boyfriend, I don't care about her or I hate her. But when that moment has passed, she's back to her loving kind self. (This is daily)

Also, Am I being controlled?

I have had to delete several females off of my Facebook and Skype (Even thought I don't talk to them) Because she gets jealous.

I'm not allowed to talk or interact with any females under any circumstances, I was even accused of having an affair with my sister. (yuck?)

Yet, I had a best friend, when I got with my girlfriend he kinda slowly pulled away from me, we don't talk, he is now her best friend.

She calls him all the time, when I'm not around, she crys on his shoulder, she will say there's nothing going on and I trust her but I dislike it, she knows this. yet she won't do anything about it.

She still talks to her ex a lot, and another guy who once told her to lay her head on him so they can sleep together.

I'm not allowed to ask her to do anything about it. because she crys and says she wants to kill herself because I'm a controlling boyfriend.

What should I do? If possible, breaking up is not an option. Thanks :]


Most Helpful Girl

  • Your relationships fits all of the signs of an abusive relationship. Her accusing you of having an affair with your sister is just over the top! I'm sorry but I think it is really up to her to change herself. She is going to need some counseling to help her. You haven't done anything wrong and to me it sounds like you have been a wonderful boyfriend who does what he can to make his girlfriend happy.

    It is your choice to leave, I am not going to tell you what to do, but sometimes we need to think about our own happiness and well being. A relationship should build you up and help you to be the best you can be. Does this relationship do that for you? Or do you feel restricted? Are you happy most of the time or down in the dumps? You need to do what means the most to you. Can you live with the next year being like this? 5? 10? What if you got married and had kids (if you want them). You would be there with her for a long time and there is *no* guarantee that she will change and get better. Would you want your kids around her? They say after the first couple of months of a relationship, that is when the person we are in a relationship starts to show their true colors. That can be really wonderful, or not so great. We are usually on our best behavior for the first 3-5 months of a relationship.

    The dynamic between your best friend and her is off as well. She has a double standard. It is not okay for her to hang out and talk with other guys if you are not allowed to talk to other girls! Relationships should be balanced and somewhat fair. This is not.

    Here are the signs of an abusive relationship:

    Do you:

    feel afraid of your partner much of the time?

    avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?

    feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?

    believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?

    wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?

    feel emotionally numb or helpless?

    Does your partner:

    ***humiliate or yell at you?***

    ***have a bad and unpredictable temper?***

    ***act excessively jealous and possessive?***

    hurt you, or threaten to hurt you?

    ***control where you go or what you do?***

    ***blame you for their own abusive behavior?***

    ***keep you from seeing your friends or family?***

    ****threaten to commit suicide if you leave?****

    ***criticize you and put you down?***

    limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?

    ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?

    treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?

    destroy your belongings?

    constantly check up on you?

    Source: link

    I really wish you the best! I know you'll make the best decision possible. You seem like a sweet guy and if you decide to go, I am sure other girls will be glad they met you!

    • I have minor case of Autism so its hard for me to let go.. I guess from the answers I will have to sooner or later.

      I'd do anything to please and satisfy but I guess she takes it for granted.

      Thank you very much, its highly appreciated :)

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What Girls Said 2

  • Wow, you're in an emotionally abusive relationship.

    I don't think there is anything for you to do but breakup. You've already told her your problems and she completely ignored it. She's isolated you from friends and she treats you poorly. I don't think things are going to change with this girl anytime soon.

    You deserve better and to be treated with respect. I think you should cut your losses and run.

    • Is there no hope at all? :(

    • Show All
    • Yeah I fully understand, It's such a shame though, because if only things would stay how they were in the first few months, where I felt like she was actually committed too, things would be okay. But I guess that was just a first impression :/ Thank you ever so much anyway :]

    • You're welcome. Don't worry, it just means you haven't found the right girl yet. She's out there somewhere and when you'll find her, you'll wonder why you even liked your current girlfriend.

  • It sounds like your girlfriend is a hypocrite. This is not health relationship in fact it does not even sound like relationship she is very controlling and that's not fair to you. Make an ultimatum tell her how you fee about the relationship between her and you and her relationship with that guy friend. If she truly cares she'll change her ways, sorry to say but breaking up should be an option for you. good luck

    • You're right, Thank you very much I sincerely appreciate it. :]

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