Confused with exgirlfriend

this may be kind of long, but let me begin. around 8months ago exgirlfriend ended things with me after 5 years together(the whole i don't feel it anymore bs). we agreed to stay friends. we didn't talk much for a couple months after the breakup, i dated a few girls and she ended up meeting another guy from a dating website who she fell hard for and had sex with several times(i met him at dinner one night with friends, totally kept my cool). well he ended up ignoring her and left her in the dust which hurt her. i know this because she came to a party my roommate and i had and she ended up making out with me and ended up having drunken sex where she called me his name during(i know, it's some bullsh*t but i shrugged it off afterwards). she told me everything while we just laid there. anyways she went on to date a few other guys from that website, nothing serious they were all dirtbags. then somewhere around 5 months after our breakup, we became fwbs, we both knew the rules, but we did a lot more than just have sex for the next 3 months, we went and ate together, went to movies, talked all the time(lots of teasing texts and pictures), and things we used to do together. she did tell me she loved me a few times out of the blue and rested her head on my shoulder which confused me. anyhow, a month ago that guy that screwed her over came back into the picture and she ended up going back to him, which i had no problem with because that's what she wanted to do, well that lasted a week, because he went back to his exgirlfriend and she was hurt again. her and i did talk about getting back together, which she said would be nice but we shouldn't(so i didn't pursue it any further). we started hanging out again after he left her(no sex or her coming over, although i did try).i'll admit i was pushy trying to get her over. it's been 3 weeks since it happened, the first week we were cool, the second i could tell she was pushing me away. now the third she is straight up ignoring me and told me she just isn't in the mood to talk. i don't know what to do, just leave her alone? is she just confused? or what? i don't know, i'd just like to have my buddy back.

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What Girls Said 1

  • So the best advice I can give you is to stop trying to see her. She is not interested in you. To explain this better I might have to get a bit complicated.

    All humans want to feel good about themselves. Girls especially want to be loved and cared for so when we are with the guy we like/love and he cares for us and shows us he is interested those feelings of being cared for, good looking, wanted flare up and we feel really really good about ourselves. Then when the inevitable break up happens we "crash" in a way and those feeling as not just gone, but replaced by feelings of inadequacy, which as you can see, is the exact opposite of what we want.

    There is a way to save ourselves though, to make us feel pretty and sexy and wanted. Rebound guy, this is unfortunately what you became. The fact that you are an ex means that you know her ins and outs and you are still interested! This makes her feel amazing! So she can text, feel flirty and loose herself in this relationship instead of facing the heartbreak of the ex. Thats where the random "I love you" comes from, this is when she has lost herself in this relationship effectively enough that she forgets about her ex for a bit.

    Its really terrible and after awhile she will realize what she is doing and want to stop-so she did. Only thing is, you are not letting her. When you ask to meet up or go see a movie or anything she isn't hearing it from the guy she used to love ect... she is hearing it from her rebound who she feels guilty about, because she thinks you are interested in her romantically and she's just not.

    I know this sounds convoluted and rather messy, but I speak from personal experience and this is what happens. She just isn't over this other guy and you were a pretty good relief from that relationship, but now you need to back off. She might come back when she's totally over him.

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What Guys Said 1

  • You should just leave her alone. You're not the guy for her.

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